No More Learning

CHORUS. What do you purport doing? what are you going to say? What an
impudent fellow! what a brazen heart! To dare to stake his head and
uphold an opinion contrary to that of us all! And he does not tremble to
face this peril! Come, it is you who desired it, speak!

DICAEOPOLIS. Spectators, be not angered if, although I am a beggar, I
dare in a Comedy to speak before the people of Athens of the public weal;
Comedy too can sometimes discern what is right. I shall not please, but I
shall say what is true. Besides, Cleon shall not be able to accuse me of
attacking Athens before strangers;[213] we are by ourselves at the
festival of the Lenaea; the period when our allies send us their tribute
and their soldiers is not yet. Here is only the pure wheat without chaff;
as to the resident strangers settled among us, they and the citizens are
one, like the straw and the ear.

I detest the Lacedaemonians with all my heart, and may Posidon, the god
of Taenarus,[214] cause an earthquake and overturn their dwellings! My
vines also have been cut.
But come (there are only friends who hear me),
why accuse the Laconians of all our woes? Some men (I do not say the
city, note particularly, that I do not say the city), some wretches, lost
in vices, bereft of honour, who were not even citizens of good stamp, but
strangers, have accused the Megarians of introducing their produce
fraudulently, and not a cucumber, a leveret, a sucking-pig, a clove of
garlic, a lump of salt was seen without its being said, "Halloa! these
come from Megara," and their being instantly confiscated. Thus far the
evil was not serious, and we were the only sufferers. But now some young
drunkards go to Megara and carry off the courtesan Simaetha; the
Megarians, hurt to the quick, run off in turn with two harlots of the
house of Aspasia; and so for three gay women Greece is set ablaze. Then
Pericles, aflame with ire on his Olympian height, let loose the
lightning, caused the thunder to roll, upset Greece and passed an edict,
which ran like the song, "That the Megarians be banished both from our
land and from our markets and from the sea and from the continent. "[215]
Meanwhile the Megarians, who were beginning to die of hunger, begged the
Lacedaemonians to bring about the abolition of the decree, of which those
harlots were the cause; several times we refused their demand; and from
that time there was a horrible clatter of arms everywhere. You will say
that Sparta was wrong, but what should she have done? Answer that.
Suppose that a Lacedaemonian had seized a little Seriphian[216] dog on
any pretext and had sold it, would you have endured it quietly? Far from
it, you would at once have sent three hundred vessels to sea, and what an
uproar there would have been through all the city! there 'tis a band of
noisy soldiery, here a brawl about the election of a Trierarch; elsewhere
pay is being distributed, the Pallas figure-heads are being regilded,
crowds are surging under the market porticos, encumbered with wheat that
is being measured, wine-skins, oar-leathers, garlic, olives, onions in
nets; everywhere are chaplets, sprats, flute-girls, black eyes; in the
arsenal bolts are being noisily driven home, sweeps are being made and
fitted with leathers; we hear nothing but the sound of whistles, of
flutes and fifes to encourage the work-folk. That is what you assuredly
would have done, and would not Telephus have done the same? So I come to
my general conclusion; we have no common sense.

FIRST SEMI-CHORUS. Oh!