fifty years more of solitary
confinement
in the dark!
Kipling - Poems
He could hear,
through the boy's nasal chant, the camels grunting in the squares behind
the soldiers outside Suakin; could hear the men swearing and chaffing
across the cooking pots, and could smell the acrid wood-smoke as it
drifted over camp before the wind of the desert.
That night he prayed to God that his mind might be taken from him,
offering for proof that he was worthy of this favour the fact that he
had not shot himself long ago. That prayer was not answered, and indeed
Dick knew in his heart of hearts that only a lingering sense of humour
and no special virtue had kept him alive. Suicide, he had persuaded
himself, would be a ludicrous insult to the gravity of the situation as
well as a weak-kneed confession of fear.
"Just for the fun of the thing," he said to the cat, who had taken
Binkie's place in his establishment, "I should like to know how long
this is going to last. I can live for a year on the hundred pounds
Torp cashed for me. I must have two or three thousand at least in the
Bank--twenty or thirty years more provided for, that is to say. Then I
fall back on my hundred and twenty a year, which will be more by that
time. Let's consider.
"Twenty-five--thirty-five--a man's in his prime then, they
say--forty-five--a middle-aged man just entering politics--fifty-five
'died at the comparatively early age of fifty-five,' according to the
newspapers. Bah! How these Christians funk death! Sixty-five--we're only
getting on in years. Seventy-five is just possible, though. Great hell,
cat O!
fifty years more of solitary confinement in the dark! You'll die,
and Beeton will die, and Torp will die, and Mai--everybody else will
die, but I shall be alive and kicking with nothing to do. I'm very sorry
for myself. I should like some one else to be sorry for me. Evidently
I'm not going mad before I die, but the pain's just as bad as ever.
Some day when you're vivisected, cat O! they'll tie you down on a little
table and cut you open--but don't be afraid; they'll take precious good
care that you don't die. You'll live, and you'll be very sorry then that
you weren't sorry for me. Perhaps Torp will come back or. . . I wish I
could go to Torp and the Nilghai, even though I were in their way. "
Pussy left the room before the speech was ended, and Alf, as he entered,
found Dick addressing the empty hearth-rug.
"There's a letter for you, sir," he said. "Perhaps you'd like me to read
it. "
"Lend it to me for a minute and I'll tell you.
through the boy's nasal chant, the camels grunting in the squares behind
the soldiers outside Suakin; could hear the men swearing and chaffing
across the cooking pots, and could smell the acrid wood-smoke as it
drifted over camp before the wind of the desert.
That night he prayed to God that his mind might be taken from him,
offering for proof that he was worthy of this favour the fact that he
had not shot himself long ago. That prayer was not answered, and indeed
Dick knew in his heart of hearts that only a lingering sense of humour
and no special virtue had kept him alive. Suicide, he had persuaded
himself, would be a ludicrous insult to the gravity of the situation as
well as a weak-kneed confession of fear.
"Just for the fun of the thing," he said to the cat, who had taken
Binkie's place in his establishment, "I should like to know how long
this is going to last. I can live for a year on the hundred pounds
Torp cashed for me. I must have two or three thousand at least in the
Bank--twenty or thirty years more provided for, that is to say. Then I
fall back on my hundred and twenty a year, which will be more by that
time. Let's consider.
"Twenty-five--thirty-five--a man's in his prime then, they
say--forty-five--a middle-aged man just entering politics--fifty-five
'died at the comparatively early age of fifty-five,' according to the
newspapers. Bah! How these Christians funk death! Sixty-five--we're only
getting on in years. Seventy-five is just possible, though. Great hell,
cat O!
fifty years more of solitary confinement in the dark! You'll die,
and Beeton will die, and Torp will die, and Mai--everybody else will
die, but I shall be alive and kicking with nothing to do. I'm very sorry
for myself. I should like some one else to be sorry for me. Evidently
I'm not going mad before I die, but the pain's just as bad as ever.
Some day when you're vivisected, cat O! they'll tie you down on a little
table and cut you open--but don't be afraid; they'll take precious good
care that you don't die. You'll live, and you'll be very sorry then that
you weren't sorry for me. Perhaps Torp will come back or. . . I wish I
could go to Torp and the Nilghai, even though I were in their way. "
Pussy left the room before the speech was ended, and Alf, as he entered,
found Dick addressing the empty hearth-rug.
"There's a letter for you, sir," he said. "Perhaps you'd like me to read
it. "
"Lend it to me for a minute and I'll tell you.
