No More Learning

MATTHEW: Marry, an elegy, an elegy, an odd toy.
I'll read it if you please.

[_Exit_ DOWN-RIGHT, _disgusted. The rest listen to_
MATTHEW'S _"elegy," consisting of scraps from Marlowe.
As_ DOWN-RIGHT _re-enters, fuming_, WELL-BRED
_is beginning to chaff_ MATTHEW. DOWN-RIGHT
_interrupts with an attack on the whole company, and
threatens to slit_ BOBADILL'S _ears. Swords are drawn
all round, and_ KNOWELL _is endeavouring to calm the
disturbance, when_ KITELY _enters_.

WELL-BRED: Come, let's go. This is one of my
brother's ancient humours, this.

STEPHEN: I am glad nobody was hurt by his "ancient
humour. "

[_Exeunt all but they of the house_. BRIDGET _and_ DAME
KITELY _praise the conduct of_ KNOWELL, _whereupon_
KITELY _conceives that he must be_ DAME KITELY'S
_lover_.


SCENE II. --_The Old Jewry_. WELL-BRED _has agreed with_ KNOWELL _to
persuade_ BRIDGET _to meet him at the Tower so that they
may be married_.
BRAIN-WORM _has been despatched to
carry out other details of the plot. Meeting_ OLD KNOWELL
_with_ FORMAL _he reports that (as_ FITZSWORD) _his
connection with_ OLD KNOWELL _has been discovered; that
he has escaped with difficulty from_ YOUNG KNOWELL, _and
that the father had better hasten to_ Cob's _house to catch
his son in_ flagrante delicto. _He then goes off with_
FORMAL. _Enter_ BOBADILL, YOUNG KNOWELL, MATTHEW,
_and_ STEPHEN.

BOBADILL: I will tell you, sir, by way of private; were
I known to her majesty, I would undertake to save three
parts of her yearly charge in holding war. Thus, sir, I
would select nineteen more gentlemen of good spirit;
and I would teach the special rules, your punto, your reverso,
your staccato, till they could all play very near
as well as myself. We twenty would come into the field,
and we would challenge twenty of the enemy; kill them,
challenge twenty more; kill them, and thus kill every
man his twenty a day, that's twenty score; twenty score,
that's two hundred; five days a thousand, two hundred
days kills forty thousand.

[_Enter_ DOWN-RIGHT, _who challenges_ BOBADILL _to draw
on the spot, and cudgels him while_ MATTHEW _runs
away, to_ KNOWELL'S _enjoyment. Exeunt all_.
WELL-BRED _makes the proposed arrangement with_
BRIDGET. BRAIN-WORM, _who has stolen_ FORMAL'S
_clothes, tricks_ KITELY _and_ DAME KITELY _severally
into hurrying off to_ COB'S _house to catch each other
in misdoing. Then, meeting_ BOBADILL _and_
MATTHEW _he engages to procure them a warrant against_
DOWN-RIGHT, _and a sergeant to serve it_. OLD
KNOWELL, KITELY, _and_ DAME KITELY _attended by_
CASH, _meet outside_ COB'S _house, each with their own
suspicions; there is a general altercation, while_ TIB
_refuses to admit any of them_.


SCENE III. --_A street_. BRAIN-WORM, _who has exchanged_ FORMAL'S
_clothes for a sergeant's attire.