No More Learning

But the Devil remained till the Break of Day
Blushed upon Sleep and Lord Castlereagh:[45] 170
Then up half the house got, and Satan got up
With the drowsy to snore--or the hungry to sup:--
But so torpid the power of some speakers, 't is said,
That they sent even him to his brimstone bed.

21.

He had seen George Rose--but George was grown dumb,
And only lied in thought! [46]
And the Devil has all the pleasure to come
Of hearing him talk as he ought.
With the falsest of tongues, the sincerest of men--
His veracity were but deceit-- 180
And Nature must first have unmade him again,
Ere his breast or his face, or his tongue, or his pen,
Conceived--uttered--looked--or wrote down letters ten,
Which Truth would acknowledge complete.

22.

Satan next took the army list in hand,
Where he found a new "Field Marshal;"
And when he saw this high command
Conferred on his Highness of Cumberland,[47]
"Oh! were I prone to cavil--or were I not the Devil,
I should say this was somewhat partial; 190
Since the only wounds that this Warrior gat,
Were from God knows whom--and the Devil knows what! "

23.

He then popped his head in a royal Ball,
And saw all the Haram so hoary;
And who there besides but Corinna de Stael! [48]
Turned Methodist and Tory!
"Aye--Aye"--quoth he--"'t is the way with them all,
When Wits grow tired of Glory:
But thanks to the weakness, that thus could pervert her,
Since the dearest of prizes to me's a deserter: 200
_Mem_--whenever a sudden conversion I want,
To send to the school of Philosopher Kant;
And whenever I need a critic who can gloss over
All faults--to send for Mackintosh to write up the Philosopher. "[49]

24.

The Devil waxed faint at the sight of this Saint,
And he thought himself of eating;
And began to cram from a plate of ham
Wherewith a Page was retreating--
Having nothing else to do (for "the friends" each so near
Had sold all their souls long before), 210
As he swallowed down the bacon he wished himself a Jew
For the sake of another crime more:
For Sinning itself is but half a recreation,
Unless it ensures most infallible Damnation.

25.
But he turned him about, for he heard a sound
Which even his ear found faults in;
For whirling above--underneath--and around--
Were his fairest Disciples Waltzing! [50]
And quoth he--"though this be--the _premier pas_ to me,
Against it I would warn all-- 220
Should I introduce these revels among my younger devils,
They would all turn perfectly carnal:
And though fond of the flesh--yet I never could bear it
Should quite in my kingdom get the upper hand of Spirit. "

26.

The Devil (but 't was over) had been vastly glad
To see the new Drury Lane,
And yet he might have been rather mad
To see it rebuilt in vain;
And had he beheld their "Nourjahad,"[51]
Would never have gone again: 230
And Satan had taken it much amiss,
They should fasten such a piece on a friend of his--
Though he knew that his works were somewhat sad,
He never had found them _quite_ so bad:
For this was "the book" which, of yore, Job, sorely smitten,
Said, "Oh that _mine_ enemy, _mine_ enemy had written"!

27.

Then he found sixty scribblers in separate cells,[52]
And marvelled what they were doing,
For they looked like little fiends in their own little hells,
Damnation for others brewing-- 240
Though their paper seemed to shrink, from the heat of their ink,
They were only _coolly_ reviewing!
And as one of them wrote down the pronoun "_We_,"
"That Plural"--says Satan--"means _him_ and _me_,
With the Editor added to make up the three
Of an Athanasian Trinity,
And render the believers in our 'Articles' sensible,
How many must combine to form _one_ Incomprehensible"!

_December_ 9, 1813.
[Stanzas 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11, 12, 17, 18, first published,
_Letters and Journals_, 1830, i. 471-474: stanzas 6, 7,
9, 13, 14, 15, 16, 19-27, now published for the first time from
an autograph MS. in the possession of the Earl of Ilchester. ]

FOOTNOTES:

[ii] The Devil's Drive. _A Sequel to Porson's_ Devil's Walk. --[MS. H. ]

[34] ["I have lately written a wild, rambling, unfinished rhapsody,
called 'The Devil's Drive,' the notion of which I took from Porson's
_Devil's Walk_.