No More Learning

In their hosts they assembled and told it--the tale of the Sons of the Soil.

We have said of the Sickness--"Where is it? "--and of Death--"It is far from
our ken,"--
We have paid a particular visit to the affluent children of men.

We have trodden the mart and the well-curb--we have stooped to the field and
the byre;
And the King may the forces of Hell curb for the People have all they desire!

Castanets and step-dance:--

Oh, the dom and the mag and the thakur and the thag,
And the nat and the brinjaree,
And the bunnia and the ryot are as happy and as quiet
And as plump as they can be!

Yes, the jain and the jat in his stucco-fronted hut,
And the bounding bazugar,
By the favour of the King, are as fat as anything,
They are--they are--they are!

Recitative, Government of India, with white satin wings and electro-plated
harp:--

How beautiful upon the Mountains--in peace reclining,
Thus to be assured that our people are unanimously dining.

And though there are places not so blessed as others in natural advantages,
which, after all, was only to be expected,
Proud and glad are we to congratulate you upon the work you have thus ably
effected.

(Cres. ) How be-ewtiful upon the Mountains!

Hired Band, brasses only, full chorus:--

God bless the Squire
And all his rich relations
Who teach us poor people
We eat our proper rations--
We eat our proper rations,
In spite of inundations,
Malarial exhalations,
And casual starvations,
We have, we have, they say we have--
We have our proper rations!

Chorus of the Crystallised Facts

Before the beginning of years
There came to the rule of the State
Men with a pair of shears,
Men with an Estimate--
Strachey with Muir for leaven,
Lytton with locks that fell,
Ripon fooling with Heaven,
And Temple riding like H--ll!
And the bigots took in hand
Cess and the falling of rain,
And the measure of sifted sand
The dealer puts in the grain--
Imports by land and sea,
To uttermost decimal worth,
And registration--free--
In the houses of death and of birth.

And fashioned with pens and paper,
And fashioned in black and white,
With Life for a flickering taper
And Death for a blazing light--
With the Armed and the Civil Power,
That his strength might endure for a span--
From Adam's Bridge to Peshawur,
The Much Administered Man.

In the towns of the North and the East,
They gathered as unto rule,
They bade him starve his priest
And send his children to school.
Railways and roads they wrought,
For the needs of the soil within;
A time to squabble in court,
A time to bear and to grin.

And gave him peace in his ways,
Jails--and Police to fight,
Justice--at length of days,
And Right--and Might in the Right.

His speech is of mortgaged bedding,
On his kine he borrows yet,
At his heart is his daughter's wedding,
In his eye foreknowledge of debt.

He eats and hath indigestion,
He toils and he may not stop;
His life is a long-drawn question
Between a crop and a crop.




THE MARE'S NEST

Jane Austen Beecher Stowe de Rouse
Was good beyond all earthly need;
But, on the other hand, her spouse
Was very, very bad indeed.

He smoked cigars, called churches slow,
And raced--but this she did not know.

For Belial Machiavelli kept
The little fact a secret, and,
Though o'er his minor sins she wept,
Jane Austen did not understand
That Lilly--thirteen-two and bay
Absorbed one-half her husband's pay.

She was so good, she made him worse;
(Some women are like this, I think;)
He taught her parrot how to curse,
Her Assam monkey how to drink.

He vexed her righteous soul until
She went up, and he went down hill.

Then came the crisis, strange to say,
Which turned a good wife to a better.

A telegraphic peon, one day,
Brought her--now, had it been a letter
For Belial Machiavelli, I
Know Jane would just have let it lie.

But 'twas a telegram instead,
Marked "urgent," and her duty plain
To open it. Jane Austen read:
"Your Lilly's got a cough again.
Can't understand why she is kept
At your expense. " Jane Austen wept.

It was a misdirected wire.