No More Learning

" And
wasn't it mesilf, sure, that jist giv'd it the laste little bit of a
squaze in the world, all in the way of a commincement, and not to be too
rough wid her leddyship? and och, botheration, wasn't it the gentaalest
and dilikittest of all the little squazes that I got in return? "Blood
and thunder, Sir Pathrick, mavourneen," thinks I to mesilf, "fait it's
jist the mother's son of you, and nobody else at all at all, that's the
handsomest and the fortunittest young bog-throtter that ever cum'd out
of Connaught! " And with that I givd the flipper a big squaze, and a big
squaze it was, by the powers, that her leddyship giv'd to me back. But
it would ha split the seven sides of you wid the laffin' to
behould, jist then all at once, the consated behavior of Mounseer
Maiter-di-dauns. The likes o' sich a jabbering, and a smirking, and a
parley-wouing as he begin'd wid her leddyship, niver was known before
upon arth; and divil may burn me if it wasn't me own very two peepers
that cotch'd him tipping her the wink out of one eye. Och, hon! if it
wasn't mesilf thin that was mad as a Kilkenny cat I shud like to be
tould who it was!

"Let me infarm you, Mounseer Maiter-di-dauns," said I, as purlite as
iver ye seed, "that it's not the gintaal thing at all at all, and not
for the likes o' you inny how, to be afther the oggling and a goggling
at her leddyship in that fashion," and jist wid that such another squaze
as it was I giv'd her flipper, all as much as to say, "isn't it Sir
Pathrick now, my jewel, that'll be able to the proticting o' you, my
darlint? " and then there cum'd another squaze back, all by way of the
answer. "Thrue for you, Sir Pathrick," it said as plain as iver a squaze
said in the world, "Thrue for you, Sir Pathrick, mavourneen, and it's
a proper nate gintleman ye are--that's God's truth," and with that she
opened her two beautiful peepers till I belaved they wud ha' cum'd out
of her hid althegither and intirely, and she looked first as mad as a
cat at Mounseer Frog, and thin as smiling as all out o' doors at mesilf.

"Thin," says he, the willian, "Och hon! and a wolly-wou, pully-wou," and
then wid that he shoved up his two shoulders till the divil the bit of
his hid was to be diskivered, and then he let down the two corners of
his purraty-trap, and thin not a haporth more of the satisfaction could
I git out o' the spalpeen.

Belave me, my jewel, it was Sir Pathrick that was unreasonable mad thin,
and the more by token that the Frinchman kipt an wid his winking at the
widdy; and the widdy she kept an wid the squazing of my flipper, as much
as to say, "At him again, Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, mavourneen:" so I
just ripped out wid a big oath, and says I;

"Ye little spalpeeny frog of a bog-throtting son of a bloody noun! "--and
jist thin what d'ye think it was that her leddyship did?
Troth she
jumped up from the sofy as if she was bit, and made off through
the door, while I turned my head round afther her, in a complate
bewilderment and botheration, and followed her wid me two peepers. You
percave I had a reason of my own for knowing that she couldn't git down
the stares althegither and intirely; for I knew very well that I had
hould of her hand, for the divil the bit had I iver lit it go. And says
I; "Isn't it the laste little bit of a mistake in the world that ye've
been afther the making, yer leddyship? Come back now, that's a darlint,
and I'll give ye yur flipper. " But aff she wint down the stairs like a
shot, and thin I turned round to the little Frinch furrenner. Och hon!
if it wasn't his spalpeeny little paw that I had hould of in my own--why
thin--thin it wasn't--that's all.

And maybe it wasn't mesilf that jist died then outright wid the laffin',
to behold the little chap when he found out that it wasn't the widdy at
all at all that he had had hould of all the time, but only Sir Pathrick
O'Grandison. The ould divil himself niver behild sich a long face as he
pet an! As for Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, Barronitt, it wasn't for
the likes of his riverence to be afther the minding of a thrifle of a
mistake. Ye may jist say, though (for it's God's thruth), that afore I
left hould of the flipper of the spalpeen (which was not till afther her
leddyship's futman had kicked us both down the stairs), I giv'd it such a
nate little broth of a squaze as made it all up into raspberry jam.

"Woully wou," says he, "pully wou," says he--"Cot tam! "

And that's jist the thruth of the rason why he wears his lift hand in a
sling.



BON-BON.

Quand un bon vin meuble mon estomac,
Je suis plus savant que Balzac-- Plus sage que Pibrac;
Mon brass seul faisant l'attaque
De la nation Coseaque,
La mettroit au sac;
De Charon je passerois le lac,
En dormant dans son bac;
J'irois au fier Eac,
Sans que mon c? ur fit tic ni tac,
Presenter du tabac.