No More Learning

KHELSTAKOV: Are there any clubs here where a game at cards could be
had?

GOVERNOR: God forbid! Here such a thing as a card-club is never heard
of. I am disgusted at the sight of a card, and never dealt one in my
life. Once to amuse the children I built a house of cards, and had
accursed dreams all night.

LUKA (_aside_): But the villain cheated me yesterday out of a hundred
roubles!

Introduced to the governor's wife and daughter, Khlestakov addresses
them in the manner of a gallant from the metropolis, and chatters
boastfully of his influence, his position, and his connections.
His house is the first in St. Petersburg. Meantime, the various
functionaries meet in the house of the governor to concert measures
for propitiating this great courtier. They resolve to present him with
a substantial token of regard. With great trepidation they wait on him.

JUDGE (_entering very nervously_): I have the honour to present
myself. I have been judge here since 1816, and have been decorated
with the Vladimir of the Fourth Class.

KHELSTAKOV: What have you there in your hand?
JUDGE (_in bewilderment drops banknotes on the floor_): Nothing.

KHELSTAKOV: How nothing? I see some money has been dropped.

JUDGE (_trembling and aside_): O heaven, I am already before the
tribunal, and they have brought the cart to take me into exile.

Khlestakov picks up the notes, and asks that the money may be lent
him, as he has spent all his cash on the journey. He promises to
return it as soon as he reaches home, but the judge protests that the
honour of lending it is enough, and he begs that there shall be no
injunction against him.

Next to present himself is the postmaster, in full uniform, sword in
hand. After a little conversation with this functionary, Khlestakov
thinks he may just as well borrow of him also, and he forthwith
mentions that a singular thing has happened to him, for he has lost
all his money on the way, and would be glad to be obliged with the
loan of three hundred roubles. It is instantly counted out with
alacrity, and the postmaster hastily retires. Also, in a very nervous
state, Luka, the School Director, the Charity Commissioner, Bobchinski
and Dobchinski, come to pay their homage, and Khlestakov borrows
easily from each in turn.

KHELSTAKOV _(alone):_ There are many officials here; it seems to me,
however, that they take me for a government functionary. What fools! I
must write about it all to Tryapitchkin at Petersburg; he will write
sketches of it in the papers. Here, Osip, bring me paper and ink! I
will just see how much money I have got. Oh, more than a thousand!