No More Learning

Quintius, if thou dost wish Catullus to owe his eyes to thee, or aught, if
such may be, dearer than his eyes, be unwilling to snatch from him what is
much dearer to him than his eyes, or than aught which itself may be dearer
to him than his eyes.

LXXXIII.

Lesbia mi praesente viro mala plurima dicit:
Haec illi fatuo maxima laetitiast.
Mule, nihil sentis. si nostri oblita taceret,
Sana esset: nunc quod gannit et obloquitur,
Non solum meminit, sed quae multo acrior est res 5
Iratast. Hoc est, uritur et coquitur.

LXXXIII.

OF LESBIA'S HUSBAND.

Lesbia heaps upon me foul words her mate being present;
Which to that simple soul causes the fullest delight.
Mule! naught sensest thou: did she forget us in silence,
Whole she had been; but now whatso she rails and she snarls,
Not only dwells in her thought, but worse and even more risky, 5
Wrathful she bides. Which means, she is afire and she fumes.

Lesbia in her lord's presence says the utmost ill about me: this gives the
greatest pleasure to that ninny. Ass, thou hast no sense! if through
forgetfulness she were silent about us, it would be well: now that she
snarls and scolds, not only does she remember, but what is a far bitterer
thing, she is enraged.
That is, she inflames herself and ripens her
passion.

LXXXIIII.

Chommoda dicebat, si quando commoda vellet
Dicere, et insidias Arrius hinsidias,
Et tum mirifice sperabat se esse locutum,
Cum quantum poterat dixerat hinsidias.
Credo, sic mater, sic Liber avonculus eius, 5
Sic maternus avos dixerat atque avia.
Hoc misso in Syriam requierant omnibus aures:
Audibant eadem haec leniter et leviter,
Nec sibi postilla metuebant talia verba,
Cum subito adfertur nuntius horribilis, 10
Ionios fluctus, postquam illuc Arrius isset,
Iam non Ionios esse, sed Hionios.

LXXXIIII.

ON ARRIUS, A ROMAN 'ARRY.

Wont is Arrius say "Chommodious" whenas "commodious"
Means he, and "Insidious" aspirate "Hinsidious,"
What time flattering self he speaks with marvellous purity,
Clamouring "Hinsidious" loudly as ever he can.
Deem I thus did his dame and thus-wise Liber his uncle 5
Speak, and on spindle-side grandsire and grandmother too.
Restful reposed all ears when he was sent into Syria,
Hearing the self-same words softly and smoothly pronounced,
Nor any feared to hear such harshness uttered thereafter,
Whenas a sudden came message of horrible news, 10
Namely th' Ionian waves when Arrius thither had wended,
Were "Ionian" no more--they had "Hionian" become.

_Chommodious_ did Arrius say, whenever he had need to say commodious, and
for insidious _hinsidious_, and felt confident he spoke with accent
wondrous fine, when aspirating _hinsidious_ to the full of his lungs. I
understand that his mother, his uncle Liber, his maternal grand-parents all
spoke thus. He being sent into Syria, everyone's ears were rested, hearing
these words spoken smoothly and slightly, nor after that did folk fear such
words from him, when on a sudden is brought the nauseous news that th'
Ionian waves, after Arrius' arrival thither, no longer are Ionian hight,
but are now the _Hionian Hocean_.

LXXXV.

Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.