No More Learning

ANSWER TO A POETASTER

Pompilianus asks why I omit
To send him all the poetry that is mine;
The reason is that in return for it,
Pompilianus, thou might'st send me _thine_.


ON A PLAGIARIST

Paul buys up poems, and to your surprise,
Paul then recites them as his own:
And Paul is right; for what a person buys
Is his, as can by law be shown!


A LOVER OF OLD-FASHIONED POETRY

Vacerra likes no bards but those of old--
Only the poets dead are poets true!
Really, Vacerra--may I make so bold? --
It's not worth dying to be liked by _you_.


A GOOD RIDDANCE

Linus, you mock my distant farm,
And ask what good it is to me?
Well, it has got at least one charm--
When there, from Linus I am free!


HOW A WET SEASON HELPS THE ADULTERATION OF WINE

Not everywhere the vintage yield has failed,
Dear Ovid; copious rain has much availed.
Coranus has a hundred gallons good
For sale--_well watered_, be it understood.


THE SYSTEMATIC DINER-OUT

Philo declares he never dines at home,
And that is no exaggeration:
He has no place to dine in Rome,
If he can't hook an invitation.


THE LEGACY-HUNTER CONSIDERS A MARRIAGE _de Convenance_

Paula would like to marry me;
But I have no desire to get her.
Paula is old; if only she
Were nearer dead, I'd like it better!


WIDOWER AND WIDOW

Fabius buries all his wives:
Chrestilla ends her husbands' lives.
The torch which from the marriage-bed
They brandish soon attends the dead.
O Venus, link this conquering pair!
Their match will meet with issue fair,
Whereby for such a dangerous _two_
A single funeral will do!


THE IMPORTUNATE BEGGAR

'Tis best to grant me, Cinna, what I crave;
And next best, Cinna, is refusal straight.
Givers I like: refusal I can brave;
But you don't give--you only hesitate!


TO A FRIEND OVER-CAUTIOUS IN LENDING

A loan without security
You say you have not got for me;
But if I pledge my bit of land,
You have the money close at hand.
Thus, though you cannot trust your friend,
To cabbages and trees you lend.
Now _you_ have to be tried in court--
Get from my bit of land support!
Exiled, you'd like a comrade true--
Well, take my land abroad with you!


AN OLD DANDY

You wish, Laetinus, to be thought a youth,
And so you dye your hair.
You're suddenly a crow, forsooth:
Of late a swan you were!
You can't cheat all: there is a Lady dread
Who knows your hair is grey:
Proserpina will pounce upon your head,
And tear the mask away.


PATIENT AND DOCTOR

When I was ill you came to me,
Doctor, and with great urgency
A hundred students brought with you
A most instructive case to view.
The hundred fingered me with hands
Chilled by the blasts from northern lands;
Fever at outset had I none;
I have it, sir, now you have done!


APING ONE'S BETTERS

Torquatus owns a mansion sumptuous
Exactly four miles out of Rome:
Four miles out also Otacilius
Purchased a little country home.
Torquatus built with marble finely veined
His Turkish baths--a princely suite:
Then Otacilius at once obtained
Some kind of kettle to give heat!
Torquatus next laid out upon his ground
A noble laurel-tree plantation:
The other sowed a hundred chestnuts round--
To please a future generation.
And when Torquatus held the Consulate,
The other was a village mayor,
By local honours made as much elate
As if all Rome were in his care!