No More Learning

ON FREEDOM OF LANGUAGE

Strict censure may this harmless sport endure:
My page is wanton, but my life is pure.


THE AIM OF THE EPIGRAMS

My satire knoweth how to keep due bounds:
Sparing the sinner, 'tis the sin it rounds.


ON A SPENDTHRIFT

Castor on buying doth a fortune spend:
Castor will take to selling in the end!


TO A RECITER WHO BAWLED

Why wrap your throat with wool before you read?
_Our_ ears stand rather of the wool in need!


TO AN APOLOGETIC RECITER

Before you start your recitation,
You say your throat is sore:
Dear sir, we hear your explanation,
We don't want any more!


ANSWER TO A POETASTER

Pompilianus asks why I omit
To send him all the poetry that is mine;
The reason is that in return for it,
Pompilianus, thou might'st send me _thine_.


ON A PLAGIARIST

Paul buys up poems, and to your surprise,
Paul then recites them as his own:
And Paul is right; for what a person buys
Is his, as can by law be shown!


A LOVER OF OLD-FASHIONED POETRY

Vacerra likes no bards but those of old--
Only the poets dead are poets true!
Really, Vacerra--may I make so bold? --
It's not worth dying to be liked by _you_.


A GOOD RIDDANCE

Linus, you mock my distant farm,
And ask what good it is to me?
Well, it has got at least one charm--
When there, from Linus I am free!


HOW A WET SEASON HELPS THE ADULTERATION OF WINE

Not everywhere the vintage yield has failed,
Dear Ovid; copious rain has much availed.
Coranus has a hundred gallons good
For sale--_well watered_, be it understood.
THE SYSTEMATIC DINER-OUT

Philo declares he never dines at home,
And that is no exaggeration:
He has no place to dine in Rome,
If he can't hook an invitation.


THE LEGACY-HUNTER CONSIDERS A MARRIAGE _de Convenance_

Paula would like to marry me;
But I have no desire to get her.
Paula is old; if only she
Were nearer dead, I'd like it better!


WIDOWER AND WIDOW

Fabius buries all his wives:
Chrestilla ends her husbands' lives.
The torch which from the marriage-bed
They brandish soon attends the dead.
O Venus, link this conquering pair!
Their match will meet with issue fair,
Whereby for such a dangerous _two_
A single funeral will do!


THE IMPORTUNATE BEGGAR

'Tis best to grant me, Cinna, what I crave;
And next best, Cinna, is refusal straight.
Givers I like: refusal I can brave;
But you don't give--you only hesitate!


TO A FRIEND OVER-CAUTIOUS IN LENDING

A loan without security
You say you have not got for me;
But if I pledge my bit of land,
You have the money close at hand.
Thus, though you cannot trust your friend,
To cabbages and trees you lend.
Now _you_ have to be tried in court--
Get from my bit of land support!
Exiled, you'd like a comrade true--
Well, take my land abroad with you!


AN OLD DANDY

You wish, Laetinus, to be thought a youth,
And so you dye your hair.
You're suddenly a crow, forsooth:
Of late a swan you were!
You can't cheat all: there is a Lady dread
Who knows your hair is grey:
Proserpina will pounce upon your head,
And tear the mask away.