No More Learning

"

And it was the nixt mornin', sure, jist as I was making up me mind
whither it wouldn't be the purlite thing to sind a bit o' writin' to the
widdy by way of a love-litter, when up com'd the delivery servant wid
an illigant card, and he tould me that the name on it (for I niver could
rade the copperplate printin on account of being lift handed) was all
about Mounseer, the Count, A Goose, Look--aisy, Maiter-di-dauns, and
that the houl of the divilish lingo was the spalpeeny long name of the
little ould furrener Frinchman as lived over the way.

And jist wid that in cum'd the little willian himself, and then he made
me a broth of a bow, and thin he said he had ounly taken the liberty
of doing me the honor of the giving me a call, and thin he went on to
palaver at a great rate, and divil the bit did I comprehind what he wud
be afther the tilling me at all at all, excipting and saving that he
said "pully wou, woolly wou," and tould me, among a bushel o' lies, bad
luck to him, that he was mad for the love o' my widdy Misthress Tracle,
and that my widdy Mrs. Tracle had a puncheon for him.

At the hearin' of this, ye may swear, though, I was as mad as a
grasshopper, but I remimbered that I was Sir Pathrick O'Grandison,
Barronitt, and that it wasn't althegither gentaal to lit the anger git
the upper hand o' the purliteness, so I made light o' the matter and
kipt dark, and got quite sociable wid the little chap, and afther a
while what did he do but ask me to go wid him to the widdy's, saying he
wud give me the feshionable inthroduction to her leddyship.

"Is it there ye are? " said I thin to mesilf, "and it's thrue for you,
Pathrick, that ye're the fortunittest mortal in life. We'll soon see
now whither it's your swate silf, or whither it's little Mounseer
Maiter-di-dauns, that Misthress Tracle is head and ears in the love
wid. "

Wid that we wint aff to the widdy's, next door, and ye may well say it
was an illigant place; so it was. There was a carpet all over the floor,
and in one corner there was a forty-pinny and a Jew's harp and the divil
knows what ilse, and in another corner was a sofy, the beautifullest
thing in all natur, and sitting on the sofy, sure enough, there was the
swate little angel, Misthress Tracle.

"The tip o' the mornin' to ye," says I, "Mrs. Tracle," and thin I made
sich an illigant obaysance that it wud ha quite althegither bewildered
the brain o' ye.

"Wully woo, pully woo, plump in the mud," says the little furrenner
Frinchman, "and sure Mrs. Tracle," says he, that he did, "isn't this
gintleman here jist his reverence Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, Barronitt,
and isn't he althegither and entirely the most particular frind and
acquaintance that I have in the houl world? "

And wid that the widdy, she gits up from the sofy, and makes the swatest
curthchy nor iver was seen; and thin down she sits like an angel;
and thin, by the powers, it was that little spalpeen Mounseer
Maiter-di-dauns that plumped his silf right down by the right side of
her. Och hon!
I ixpicted the two eyes o' me wud ha cum'd out of my head
on the spot, I was so dispirate mad! Howiver, "Bait who! " says I, after
awhile. "Is it there ye are, Mounseer Maiter-di-dauns? " and so down I
plumped on the lift side of her leddyship, to be aven with the willain.
Botheration! it wud ha done your heart good to percave the illigant
double wink that I gived her jist thin right in the face with both eyes.

But the little ould Frinchman he niver beginned to suspict me at all
at all, and disperate hard it was he made the love to her leddyship.
"Woully wou," says he, "Pully wou," says he, "Plump in the mud," says he.

"That's all to no use, Mounseer Frog, mavourneen," thinks I; and I
talked as hard and as fast as I could all the while, and throth it was
mesilf jist that divarted her leddyship complately and intirely, by
rason of the illigant conversation that I kipt up wid her all about the
dear bogs of Connaught. And by and by she gived me such a swate smile,
from one ind of her mouth to the ither, that it made me as bould as a
pig, and I jist took hould of the ind of her little finger in the most
dillikitest manner in natur, looking at her all the while out o' the
whites of my eyes.

And then ounly percave the cuteness of the swate angel, for no sooner
did she obsarve that I was afther the squazing of her flipper, than she
up wid it in a jiffy, and put it away behind her back, jist as much as
to say, "Now thin, Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, there's a bitther chance
for ye, mavourneen, for it's not altogether the gentaal thing to be
afther the squazing of my flipper right full in the sight of that little
furrenner Frinchman, Mounseer Maiter-di-dauns. "

Wid that I giv'd her a big wink jist to say, "lit Sir Pathrick alone for
the likes o' them thricks," and thin I wint aisy to work, and you'd have
died wid the divarsion to behould how cliverly I slipped my right arm
betwane the back o' the sofy, and the back of her leddyship, and there,
sure enough, I found a swate little flipper all a waiting to say, "the
tip o' the mornin' to ye, Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, Barronitt. " And
wasn't it mesilf, sure, that jist giv'd it the laste little bit of a
squaze in the world, all in the way of a commincement, and not to be too
rough wid her leddyship? and och, botheration, wasn't it the gentaalest
and dilikittest of all the little squazes that I got in return? "Blood
and thunder, Sir Pathrick, mavourneen," thinks I to mesilf, "fait it's
jist the mother's son of you, and nobody else at all at all, that's the
handsomest and the fortunittest young bog-throtter that ever cum'd out
of Connaught!