No More Learning

[Illustration]


CHAPTER X.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG CATS.

The seven young Cats set off on their travels with great delight and
rapacity. But, on coming to the top of a high hill, they perceived at a
long distance off a Clangle-Wangle (or, as it is more properly written,
Clangel-Wangel); and, in spite of the warning they had had, they ran
straight up to it.

(Now, the Clangle-Wangle is a most dangerous and delusive beast, and by no
means commonly to be met with. They live in the water as well as on land,
using their long tail as a sail when in the former element. Their speed is
extreme; but their habits of life are domestic and superfluous, and their
general demeanor pensive and pellucid. On summer evenings, they may
sometimes be observed near the Lake Pipple-Popple, standing on their heads,
and humming their national melodies. They subsist entirely on vegetables,
excepting when they eat veal or mutton or pork or beef or fish or
saltpetre. )

The moment the Clangle-Wangle saw the seven young Cats approach, he ran
away; and as he ran straight on for four months, and the Cats, though they
continued to run, could never overtake him, they all gradually _died_ of
fatigue and exhaustion, and never afterwards recovered.

And this was the end of the seven young Cats.

[Illustration]


CHAPTER XI.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG FISHES.

The seven young Fishes swam across the Lake Pipple-Popple, and into the
river, and into the ocean; where, most unhappily for them, they saw, on the
fifteenth day of their travels, a bright-blue Boss-Woss, and instantly swam
after him. But the Blue Boss-Woss plunged into a
perpendicular,
spicular,
orbicular,
quadrangular,
circular depth of soft mud;
where, in fact, his house was.
And the seven young Fishes, swimming with great and uncomfortable velocity,
plunged also into the mud quite against their will, and, not being
accustomed to it, were all suffocated in a very short period.

And that was the end of the seven young Fishes.

[Illustration]


CHAPTER XII.

OF WHAT OCCURRED SUBSEQUENTLY.

After it was known that the

seven young Parrots,
and the seven young Storks,
and the seven young Geese,
and the seven young Owls,
and the seven young Guinea Pigs,
and the seven young Cats,
and the seven young Fishes,

were all dead, then the Frog, and the Plum-pudding Flea, and the Mouse, and
the Clangle-Wangle, and the Blue Boss-Woss, all met together to rejoice
over their good fortune. And they collected the seven feathers of the seven
young Parrots, and the seven bills of the seven young Storks, and the
lettuce, and the cherry; and having placed the latter on the lettuce, and
the other objects in a circular arrangement at their base, they danced a
hornpipe round all these memorials until they were quite tired; after which
they gave a tea-party, and a garden-party, and a ball, and a concert, and
then returned to their respective homes full of joy and respect, sympathy,
satisfaction, and disgust.

[Illustration]


CHAPTER XIII.

OF WHAT BECAME OF THE PARENTS OF THE FORTY-NINE CHILDREN.

BUT when the two old Parrots,
and the two old Storks,
and the two old Geese,
and the two old Owls,
and the two old Guinea Pigs,
and the two old Cats,
and the two old Fishes,

became aware, by reading in the newspapers, of the calamitous extinction of
the whole of their families, they refused all further sustenance; and,
sending out to various shops, they purchased great quantities of Cayenne
pepper and brandy and vinegar and blue sealing-wax, besides seven immense
glass bottles with air-tight stoppers. And, having done this, they ate a
light supper of brown-bread and Jerusalem artichokes, and took an
affecting and formal leave of the whole of their acquaintance, which was
very numerous and distinguished and select and responsible and ridiculous.


CHAPTER XIV.

CONCLUSION.

And after this they filled the bottles with the ingredients for pickling,
and each couple jumped into a separate bottle; by which effort, of course,
they all died immediately, and became thoroughly pickled in a few minutes;
having previously made their wills (by the assistance of the most eminent
lawyers of the district), in which they left strict orders that the
stoppers of the seven bottles should be carefully sealed up with the blue
sealing-wax they had purchased; and that they themselves, in the bottles,
should be presented to the principal museum of the city of Tosh, to be
labelled with parchment or any other anti-congenial succedaneum, and to be
placed on a marble table with silver-gilt legs, for the daily inspection
and contemplation, and for the perpetual benefit, of the pusillanimous
public.

And if you ever happen to go to Gramble-Blamble, and visit that museum in
the city of Tosh, look for them on the ninety-eighth table in the four
hundred and twenty-seventh room of the right-hand corridor of the left wing
of the central quadrangle of that magnificent building; for, if you do not,
you certainly will not see them.

[Illustration]

* * * * *




NONSENSE COOKERY.

Extract from "The Nonsense Gazette," for August, 1870.