No More Learning

The application of electricity to a mummy three or four thousand years
old at the least, was an idea, if not very sage, still sufficiently
original, and we all caught it at once. About one-tenth in earnest and
nine-tenths in jest, we arranged a battery in the Doctor's study, and
conveyed thither the Egyptian.

It was only after much trouble that we succeeded in laying bare some
portions of the temporal muscle which appeared of less stony rigidity
than other parts of the frame, but which, as we had anticipated, of
course, gave no indication of galvanic susceptibility when brought in
contact with the wire. This, the first trial, indeed, seemed decisive,
and, with a hearty laugh at our own absurdity, we were bidding each
other good night, when my eyes, happening to fall upon those of the
Mummy, were there immediately riveted in amazement. My brief glance, in
fact, had sufficed to assure me that the orbs which we had all supposed
to be glass, and which were originally noticeable for a certain wild
stare, were now so far covered by the lids, that only a small portion of
the _tunica albuginea_ remained visible.

With a shout I called attention to the fact, and it became immediately
obvious to all.

I cannot say that I was alarmed at the phenomenon, because "alarmed" is,
in my case, not exactly the word. It is possible, however, that, but for
the Brown Stout, I might have been a little nervous. As for the rest
of the company, they really made no attempt at concealing the downright
fright which possessed them. Doctor Ponnonner was a man to be pitied.
Mr. Gliddon, by some peculiar process, rendered himself invisible. Mr.
Silk Buckingham, I fancy, will scarcely be so bold as to deny that he
made his way, upon all fours, under the table.

After the first shock of astonishment, however, we resolved, as a matter
of course, upon further experiment forthwith.
Our operations were now
directed against the great toe of the right foot. We made an incision
over the outside of the exterior _os sesamoideum pollicis pedis,_ and
thus got at the root of the abductor muscle. Readjusting the battery, we
now applied the fluid to the bisected nerves--when, with a movement of
exceeding life-likeness, the Mummy first drew up its right knee so as to
bring it nearly in contact with the abdomen, and then, straightening the
limb with inconceivable force, bestowed a kick upon Doctor Ponnonner,
which had the effect of discharging that gentleman, like an arrow from a
catapult, through a window into the street below.

We rushed out _en masse_ to bring in the mangled remains of the victim,
but had the happiness to meet him upon the staircase, coming up in an
unaccountable hurry, brimful of the most ardent philosophy, and more
than ever impressed with the necessity of prosecuting our experiment
with vigor and with zeal.

It was by his advice, accordingly, that we made, upon the spot, a
profound incision into the tip of the subject's nose, while the Doctor
himself, laying violent hands upon it, pulled it into vehement contact
with the wire.

Morally and physically--figuratively and literally--was the effect
electric. In the first place, the corpse opened its eyes and winked very
rapidly for several minutes, as does Mr. Barnes in the pantomime, in the
second place, it sneezed; in the third, it sat upon end; in the fourth,
it shook its fist in Doctor Ponnonner's face; in the fifth, turning to
Messieurs Gliddon and Buckingham, it addressed them, in very capital
Egyptian, thus:

"I must say, gentlemen, that I am as much surprised as I am mortified at
your behavior. Of Doctor Ponnonner nothing better was to be expected. He
is a poor little fat fool who knows no better. I pity and forgive him.
But you, Mr. Gliddon--and you, Silk--who have travelled and resided in
Egypt until one might imagine you to the manner born--you, I say who
have been so much among us that you speak Egyptian fully as well, I
think, as you write your mother tongue--you, whom I have always been
led to regard as the firm friend of the mummies--I really did anticipate
more gentlemanly conduct from you. What am I to think of your standing
quietly by and seeing me thus unhandsomely used? What am I to suppose by
your permitting Tom, Dick, and Harry to strip me of my coffins, and my
clothes, in this wretchedly cold climate? In what light (to come to the
point) am I to regard your aiding and abetting that miserable little
villain, Doctor Ponnonner, in pulling me by the nose?