No More Learning

But that my troubles may not be unknown to thee, O
Manius, nor thou deem I shun the office of host, hear how I am whelmed in
the waves of that same fortune, nor further seek joyful gifts from a
wretched one. In that time when the white vestment was first handed to me,
and my florid age was passing in jocund spring, much did I sport enow: nor
was the goddess unknown to us who mixes bitter-sweet with our cares. But my
brother's death plunged all this pursuit into mourning. O brother, taken
from my unhappy self; thou by thy dying hast broken my ease, O brother; all
our house is buried with thee; with thee have perished the whole of our
joys, which thy sweet love nourished in thy lifetime. Thou lost, I have
dismissed wholly from mind these studies and every delight of mind.
Wherefore, as to what thou writest, "'Tis shameful for Catullus to be at
Verona, for there anyone of utmost note must chafe his frigid limbs on a
desolate couch;" that, Manius, is not shameful; rather 'tis a pity.
Therefore, do thou forgive, if what grief has snatched from me, these
gifts, I do not bestow on thee, because I am unable. For, that there is no
great store of writings with me arises from this, that we live at Rome:
there is my home, there is my hall, thither my time is passed; hither but
one of my book-cases follows me. As 'tis thus, I would not that thou deem
we act so from ill-will or from a mind not sufficiently ingenuous, that
ample store is not forthcoming to either of thy desires: both would I
grant, had I the wherewithal. Nor can I conceal, goddesses, in what way
Allius has aided me, or with how many good offices he has assisted me; nor
shall fleeting time with its forgetful centuries cover with night's
blindness this care of his. But I tell it to you, and do ye declare it to
many thousands, and make this paper, grown old, speak of it * * * * And let
him be more and more noted when dead, nor let the spider aloft, weaving her
thin-drawn web, carry on her work over the neglected name of Allius. For
you know what anxiety of mind wily Amathusia gave me, and in what manner
she overthrew me, when I was burning like the Trinacrian rocks, or the
Malian fount in Oetaean Thermopylae; nor did my piteous eyes cease to
dissolve with continual weeping, nor my cheeks with sad showers to be
bedewed. As the pellucid stream gushes forth from the moss-grown rock on
the aerial crest of the mountain, which when it has rolled headlong prone
down the valley, softly wends its way through the midst of the populous
parts, sweet solace to the wayfarer sweating with weariness, when the
oppressive heat cracks the burnt-up fields agape: or, as to sailors
tempest-tossed in black whirlpool, there cometh a favourable and a
gently-moving breeze, Pollux having been prayed anon, and Castor alike
implored: of such kind was Manius' help to us. He with a wider limit laid
open my closed field; he gave us a home and its mistress, on whom we both
might exercise our loves in common. Thither with gracious gait my
bright-hued goddess betook herself, and pressed her shining sole on the
worn threshold with creaking of sandal; as once came Laodamia, flaming with
love for her consort, to the home of Protesilaus,--a beginning of naught!
for not yet with sacred blood had a victim made propitiate the lords of the
heavens. May nothing please me so greatly, Rhamnusian virgin, that I should
act thus heedlessly against the will of those lords! How the thirsty altar
craves for sacrificial blood Laodamia was taught by the loss of her
husband, being compelled to abandon the neck of her new spouse when one
winter was past, before another winter had come, in whose long nights she
might so glut her greedy love, that she could have lived despite her broken
marriage-yoke, which the Parcae knew would not be long distant, if her
husband as soldier should fare to the Ilian walls. For by Helena's rape
Troy had begun to put the Argive Chiefs in the field; Troy accurst, the
common grave of Asia and of Europe, Troy, the sad ashes of heroes and of
every noble deed, that also lamentably brought death to our brother. O
brother taken from unhappy me! O jocund light taken from thy unhappy
brother! in thy one grave lies all our house, in thy one grave have
perished all our joys, which thy sweet love did nurture during life. Whom
now is laid so far away, not amongst familiar tombs nor near the ashes of
his kindred, but obscene Troy, malign Troy, an alien earth, holds thee
entombed in its remote soil. Thither, 'tis said, hastening together from
all parts, the Grecian manhood forsook their hearths and homes, lest Paris
enjoy his abducted trollop with freedom and leisure in a peaceful bed. Such
then was thy case, loveliest Laodamia, to be bereft of husband sweeter than
life, and than soul; thou being sucked in so great a whirlpool of love, its
eddy submerged thee in its steep abyss, like (so folk say) to the Graian
gulph near Pheneus of Cyllene with its fat swamp's soil drained and dried,
which aforetime the falsely-born Amphitryoniades dared to hew through the
marrow of cleft mountains, at the time when he smote down the Stymphalian
monsters with sure shafts by the command of his inferior lord, so that the
heavenly portal might be pressed by a greater number of deities, nor Hebe
longer remain in her virginity. But deeper than that abyss was thy deep
love which taught [thy husband] to bear his lady's forceful yoke. For not
so dear to the spent age of the grandsire is the late born grandchild an
only daughter rears, who, long-wished-for, at length inherits the ancestral
wealth, his name duly set down in the attested tablets; and casting afar
the impious hopes of the baffled next-of-kin, scares away the vulture from
the whitened head; nor so much does any dove-mate rejoice in her snow-white
consort (though, 'tis averred, more shameless than most in continually
plucking kisses with nibbling beak) as thou dost, though woman is
especially inconstant. But thou alone didst surpass the great frenzies of
these, when thou wast once united to thy yellow-haired husband. Worthy to
yield to whom in naught or in little, my light brought herself to my bosom,
round whom Cupid, often running hither thither, gleamed lustrous-white in
saffron-tinted tunic. Still although she is not content with Catullus
alone, we will suffer the rare frailties of our coy lady, lest we may be
too greatly unbearable, after the manner of fools. Often even Juno,
greatest of heaven-dwellers, boiled with flaring wrath at her husband's
default, wotting the host of frailties of all-wishful Jove.