were I prone to cavil--or were I not the Devil,
I should say this was somewhat partial; 190
Since the only wounds that this Warrior gat,
Were from God knows whom--and the Devil knows what!
I should say this was somewhat partial; 190
Since the only wounds that this Warrior gat,
Were from God knows whom--and the Devil knows what!
Byron
[44]
And the Devil was shocked--and quoth he, "I must go, 150
For I find we have much better manners below.
If thus he harangues when he passes my border,
I shall hint to friend Moloch to call him to order. "
19.
Then the Devil went down to the humbler House,
Where he readily found his way
As natural to him as its hole to a Mouse,
He had been there many a day;
And many a vote and soul and job he
Had bid for and carried away from the Lobby:
But there now was a "call" and accomplished debaters 160
Appeared in the glory of hats, boots and gaiters--
_Some_ paid rather more--but _all_ worse dressed
than Waiters!
20.
There was Canning for War, and Whitbread for peace,
And others as suited their fancies;
But all were agreed that our debts should increase
Excepting the Demagogue Francis.
That rogue! how could Westminster chuse him again
To leaven the virtue of these honest men!
But the Devil remained till the Break of Day
Blushed upon Sleep and Lord Castlereagh:[45] 170
Then up half the house got, and Satan got up
With the drowsy to snore--or the hungry to sup:--
But so torpid the power of some speakers, 't is said,
That they sent even him to his brimstone bed.
21.
He had seen George Rose--but George was grown dumb,
And only lied in thought! [46]
And the Devil has all the pleasure to come
Of hearing him talk as he ought.
With the falsest of tongues, the sincerest of men--
His veracity were but deceit-- 180
And Nature must first have unmade him again,
Ere his breast or his face, or his tongue, or his pen,
Conceived--uttered--looked--or wrote down letters ten,
Which Truth would acknowledge complete.
22.
Satan next took the army list in hand,
Where he found a new "Field Marshal;"
And when he saw this high command
Conferred on his Highness of Cumberland,[47]
"Oh!
were I prone to cavil--or were I not the Devil,
I should say this was somewhat partial; 190
Since the only wounds that this Warrior gat,
Were from God knows whom--and the Devil knows what! "
23.
He then popped his head in a royal Ball,
And saw all the Haram so hoary;
And who there besides but Corinna de Stael! [48]
Turned Methodist and Tory!
"Aye--Aye"--quoth he--"'t is the way with them all,
When Wits grow tired of Glory:
But thanks to the weakness, that thus could pervert her,
Since the dearest of prizes to me's a deserter: 200
_Mem_--whenever a sudden conversion I want,
To send to the school of Philosopher Kant;
And whenever I need a critic who can gloss over
All faults--to send for Mackintosh to write up the Philosopher. "[49]
24.
The Devil waxed faint at the sight of this Saint,
And he thought himself of eating;
And began to cram from a plate of ham
Wherewith a Page was retreating--
Having nothing else to do (for "the friends" each so near
Had sold all their souls long before), 210
As he swallowed down the bacon he wished himself a Jew
For the sake of another crime more:
For Sinning itself is but half a recreation,
Unless it ensures most infallible Damnation.
25.
But he turned him about, for he heard a sound
Which even his ear found faults in;
For whirling above--underneath--and around--
Were his fairest Disciples Waltzing! [50]
And quoth he--"though this be--the _premier pas_ to me,
Against it I would warn all-- 220
Should I introduce these revels among my younger devils,
They would all turn perfectly carnal:
And though fond of the flesh--yet I never could bear it
Should quite in my kingdom get the upper hand of Spirit. "
26.
The Devil (but 't was over) had been vastly glad
To see the new Drury Lane,
And yet he might have been rather mad
To see it rebuilt in vain;
And had he beheld their "Nourjahad,"[51]
Would never have gone again: 230
And Satan had taken it much amiss,
They should fasten such a piece on a friend of his--
Though he knew that his works were somewhat sad,
He never had found them _quite_ so bad:
For this was "the book" which, of yore, Job, sorely smitten,
Said, "Oh that _mine_ enemy, _mine_ enemy had written"!
27.
Then he found sixty scribblers in separate cells,[52]
And marvelled what they were doing,
For they looked like little fiends in their own little hells,
Damnation for others brewing-- 240
Though their paper seemed to shrink, from the heat of their ink,
They were only _coolly_ reviewing!
And as one of them wrote down the pronoun "_We_,"
"That Plural"--says Satan--"means _him_ and _me_,
With the Editor added to make up the three
Of an Athanasian Trinity,
And render the believers in our 'Articles' sensible,
How many must combine to form _one_ Incomprehensible"!
_December_ 9, 1813.
And the Devil was shocked--and quoth he, "I must go, 150
For I find we have much better manners below.
If thus he harangues when he passes my border,
I shall hint to friend Moloch to call him to order. "
19.
Then the Devil went down to the humbler House,
Where he readily found his way
As natural to him as its hole to a Mouse,
He had been there many a day;
And many a vote and soul and job he
Had bid for and carried away from the Lobby:
But there now was a "call" and accomplished debaters 160
Appeared in the glory of hats, boots and gaiters--
_Some_ paid rather more--but _all_ worse dressed
than Waiters!
20.
There was Canning for War, and Whitbread for peace,
And others as suited their fancies;
But all were agreed that our debts should increase
Excepting the Demagogue Francis.
That rogue! how could Westminster chuse him again
To leaven the virtue of these honest men!
But the Devil remained till the Break of Day
Blushed upon Sleep and Lord Castlereagh:[45] 170
Then up half the house got, and Satan got up
With the drowsy to snore--or the hungry to sup:--
But so torpid the power of some speakers, 't is said,
That they sent even him to his brimstone bed.
21.
He had seen George Rose--but George was grown dumb,
And only lied in thought! [46]
And the Devil has all the pleasure to come
Of hearing him talk as he ought.
With the falsest of tongues, the sincerest of men--
His veracity were but deceit-- 180
And Nature must first have unmade him again,
Ere his breast or his face, or his tongue, or his pen,
Conceived--uttered--looked--or wrote down letters ten,
Which Truth would acknowledge complete.
22.
Satan next took the army list in hand,
Where he found a new "Field Marshal;"
And when he saw this high command
Conferred on his Highness of Cumberland,[47]
"Oh!
were I prone to cavil--or were I not the Devil,
I should say this was somewhat partial; 190
Since the only wounds that this Warrior gat,
Were from God knows whom--and the Devil knows what! "
23.
He then popped his head in a royal Ball,
And saw all the Haram so hoary;
And who there besides but Corinna de Stael! [48]
Turned Methodist and Tory!
"Aye--Aye"--quoth he--"'t is the way with them all,
When Wits grow tired of Glory:
But thanks to the weakness, that thus could pervert her,
Since the dearest of prizes to me's a deserter: 200
_Mem_--whenever a sudden conversion I want,
To send to the school of Philosopher Kant;
And whenever I need a critic who can gloss over
All faults--to send for Mackintosh to write up the Philosopher. "[49]
24.
The Devil waxed faint at the sight of this Saint,
And he thought himself of eating;
And began to cram from a plate of ham
Wherewith a Page was retreating--
Having nothing else to do (for "the friends" each so near
Had sold all their souls long before), 210
As he swallowed down the bacon he wished himself a Jew
For the sake of another crime more:
For Sinning itself is but half a recreation,
Unless it ensures most infallible Damnation.
25.
But he turned him about, for he heard a sound
Which even his ear found faults in;
For whirling above--underneath--and around--
Were his fairest Disciples Waltzing! [50]
And quoth he--"though this be--the _premier pas_ to me,
Against it I would warn all-- 220
Should I introduce these revels among my younger devils,
They would all turn perfectly carnal:
And though fond of the flesh--yet I never could bear it
Should quite in my kingdom get the upper hand of Spirit. "
26.
The Devil (but 't was over) had been vastly glad
To see the new Drury Lane,
And yet he might have been rather mad
To see it rebuilt in vain;
And had he beheld their "Nourjahad,"[51]
Would never have gone again: 230
And Satan had taken it much amiss,
They should fasten such a piece on a friend of his--
Though he knew that his works were somewhat sad,
He never had found them _quite_ so bad:
For this was "the book" which, of yore, Job, sorely smitten,
Said, "Oh that _mine_ enemy, _mine_ enemy had written"!
27.
Then he found sixty scribblers in separate cells,[52]
And marvelled what they were doing,
For they looked like little fiends in their own little hells,
Damnation for others brewing-- 240
Though their paper seemed to shrink, from the heat of their ink,
They were only _coolly_ reviewing!
And as one of them wrote down the pronoun "_We_,"
"That Plural"--says Satan--"means _him_ and _me_,
With the Editor added to make up the three
Of an Athanasian Trinity,
And render the believers in our 'Articles' sensible,
How many must combine to form _one_ Incomprehensible"!
_December_ 9, 1813.
