No More Learning

SGANARELLE: I hold that this impediment in the
action of her tongue is caused by certain humours,
which among us learned men are called peccant humours.
For as the vapours formed by the exhalations of the
influences which arise in the region of complaints,
coming--so to speak--to--Do you know Latin?

GERONTE: In no sort of way.

SGANARELLE (_rising in astonishment_): You don't know Latin?

GERONTE: No.

SGANARELLE (_assuming various amusing attitudes_):
_Singulariter, nominativo haec musa_, "the muse," _bonus_,
_bona, bonum, Deus sanctus, estne oratio latenas?
Quare_? "Why? " _Luia substantivo et adjectivum
concordat in generi, numerum, et casus_.

GERONTE: Oh! Why did I not study?

JACQUELINE: What a clever man he is!

SGANARELLE: Thus these vapours of which I speak
passing from the left side, where the liver is, to the right
side where the heart is, it happens that the lungs, which
we call in Latin _armyan_, having communication with the
brain, which in Greek we name _nasmus_, by means of the
_vena cava_, which we call in Hebrew _cubile_, in their way
meet the said vapours, which fill the ventricles of the
omoplata; and as the said vapours--be sure you understand
this argument, I beg you--and as these said vapours have
a certain malignancy--listen carefully to this, I pray you.

GERONTE: Yes.

SGANARELLE: Are gifted with a certain malignancy
which is caused--please pay attention----

GERONTE: I am doing so.
SGANARELLE: Which is caused by the acridity of the
humour engendered in the concavity of the diaphragm, it
happens that these vapours--_Ossabundus, nequezs, nequer,
potarinum, quipsa milus_. That is just what makes your
daughter dumb.

GERONTE: No one, doubtless, could argue better.
There is but one thing that puzzles me. It seems to me
that you place the heart and liver differently from where
they are; the heart is on the left side, and the liver on
the right.

SGANARELLE: Yes, that was so formerly; but we have
changed all that, and nowadays we practise medicine by
an entirely new method.

GERONTE: I did not know that. I must ask you to
pardon my ignorance.

SGANARELLE: There is no harm done. You are not
obliged to be as clever as we are.

GERONTE: Certainly not. But what do you think,
monsieur, ought to be done for this complaint?

SGANARELLE: My advice is that she should be put to
bed, and, for a remedy, you must see that she takes plenty
of bread soaked in wine.

GERONTE: Why so, monsieur?

SGANARELLE: Because in bread and wine mixed together
there is a sympathetic virtue which causes speech.
Don't you know that they give nothing else to parrots,
and that they learn to speak by being fed on this diet?