No More Learning

"Why," said Violet, "would you kindly inform us, do you reside in bottles;
and, if in bottles at all, why not, rather, in green or purple, or, indeed,
in yellow bottles? "

To which questions a very aged Blue-Bottle-Fly answered, "We found the
bottles here all ready to live in; that is to say, our great-great-great-
great-great-grandfathers did: so we occupied them at once. And, when the
winter comes on, we turn the bottles upside down, and consequently rarely
feel the cold at all; and you know very well that this could not be the
case with bottles of any other color than blue. "

"Of course it could not," said Slingsby. "But, if we may take the liberty
of inquiring, on what do you chiefly subsist? "

"Mainly on oyster-patties," said the Blue-Bottle-Fly; "and, when these are
scarce, on raspberry vinegar and Russian leather boiled down to a jelly. "

"How delicious! " said Guy.

To which Lionel added, "Huzz! " And all the Blue-Bottle-Flies said, "Buzz! "

At this time, an elderly Fly said it was the hour for the evening-song to
be sung; and, on a signal being given, all the Blue-Bottle-Flies began to
buzz at once in a sumptuous and sonorous manner, the melodious and
mucilaginous sounds echoing all over the waters, and resounding across the
tumultuous tops of the transitory titmice upon the intervening and verdant
mountains with a serene and sickly suavity only known to the truly
virtuous. The Moon was shining slobaciously from the star-bespangled sky,
while her light irrigated the smooth and shiny sides and wings and backs of
the Blue-Bottle-Flies with a peculiar and trivial splendor, while all
Nature cheerfully responded to the cerulean and conspicuous circumstances.

In many long-after years, the four little travellers looked back to that
evening as one of the happiest in all their lives; and it was already past
midnight when--the sail of the boat having been set up by the
Quangle-Wangle, the tea-kettle and churn placed in their respective
positions, and the Pussy-Cat stationed at the helm--the children each took
a last and affectionate farewell of the Blue-Bottle-Flies, who walked down
in a body to the water's edge to see the travellers embark.

[Illustration]

As a token of parting respect and esteem, Violet made a courtesy quite down
to the ground, and stuck one of her few remaining parrot-tail feathers into
the back hair of the most pleasing of the Blue-Bottle-Flies; while
Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel offered them three small boxes, containing,
respectively, black pins, dried figs, and Epsom salts; and thus they left
that happy shore forever.

Overcome by their feelings, the four little travellers instantly jumped
into the tea-kettle, and fell fast asleep.
But all along the shore, for
many hours, there was distinctly heard a sound of severely-suppressed sobs,
and of a vague multitude of living creatures using their
pocket-handkerchiefs in a subdued simultaneous snuffle, lingering sadly
along the walloping waves as the boat sailed farther and farther away from
the Land of the Happy Blue-Bottle-Flies.

Nothing particular occurred for some days after these events, except that,
as the travellers were passing a low tract of sand, they perceived an
unusual and gratifying spectacle; namely, a large number of Crabs and
Crawfish--perhaps six or seven hundred--sitting by the water-side, and
endeavoring to disentangle a vast heap of pale pink worsted, which they
moistened at intervals with a fluid composed of lavender-water and
white-wine negus.

"Can we be of any service to you, O crusty Crabbies? " said the four
children.

"Thank you kindly," said the Crabs consecutively. "We are trying to make
some worsted mittens, but do not know how. "

On which Violet, who was perfectly acquainted with the art of
mitten-making, said to the Crabs, "Do your claws unscrew, or are they
fixtures? "

"They are all made to unscrew," said the Crabs; and forthwith they
deposited a great pile of claws close to the boat, with which Violet
uncombed all the pale pink worsted, and then made the loveliest mittens
with it you can imagine. These the Crabs, having resumed and screwed on
their claws, placed cheerfully upon their wrists, and walked away rapidly
on their hind-legs, warbling songs with a silvery voice and in a minor key.

After this, the four little people sailed on again till they came to a vast
and wide plain of astonishing dimensions, on which nothing whatever could
be discovered at first; but, as the travellers walked onward, there
appeared in the extreme and dim distance a single object, which on a nearer
approach, and on an accurately cutaneous inspection, seemed to be somebody
in a large white wig, sitting on an arm-chair made of sponge-cakes and
oyster-shells. "It does not quite look like a human being," said Violet
doubtfully; nor could they make out what it really was, till the
Quangle-Wangle (who had previously been round the world) exclaimed softly
in a loud voice, "It is the co-operative Cauliflower! "

[Illustration]

And so, in truth, it was: and they soon found that what they had taken for
an immense wig was in reality the top of the Cauliflower; and that he had
no feet at all, being able to walk tolerably well with a fluctuating and
graceful movement on a single cabbage-stalk,--an accomplishment which
naturally saved him the expense of stockings and shoes.

Presently, while the whole party from the boat was gazing at him with
mingled affection and disgust, he suddenly arose, and, in a somewhat
plumdomphious manner, hurried off towards the setting sun,--his steps
supported by two superincumbent confidential Cucumbers, and a large number
of Waterwagtails proceeding in advance of him by three and three in a
row,--till he finally disappeared on the brink of the western sky in a
crystal cloud of sudorific sand.

[Illustration]

So remarkable a sight, of course, impressed the four children very deeply;
and they returned immediately to their boat with a strong sense of
undeveloped asthma and a great appetite.

Shortly after this, the travellers were obliged to sail directly below some
high overhanging rocks, from the top of one of which a particularly odious
little boy, dressed in rose-colored knickerbockers, and with a pewter plate
upon his head, threw an enormous pumpkin at the boat, by which it was
instantly upset.

[Illustration]

But this upsetting was of no consequence, because all the party knew how to
swim very well: and, in fact, they preferred swimming about till after the
moon rose; when, the water growing chilly, they sponge-taneously entered
the boat.