Fully persuaded that I could have
justified myself had I chosen, she suspected the motive which had kept
me silent, and deemed herself the sole cause of my misfortune.
justified myself had I chosen, she suspected the motive which had kept
me silent, and deemed herself the sole cause of my misfortune.
Pushkin - Daughter of the Commandant
After the usual
compliments he announced to him that the suspicions which had arisen of
my participation in the plots of the rebels had been proved to be but
too well founded, adding that condign punishment as a deterrent should
have overtaken me, but that the Tzarina, through consideration for the
loyal service and white hairs of my father, had condescended to pardon
the criminal son, and, remitting the disgrace-fraught execution, had
condemned him to exile for life in the heart of Siberia.
This unexpected blow nearly killed my father. He lost his habitual
firmness, and his sorrow, usually dumb, found vent in bitter lament.
"What! " he never ceased repeating, well-nigh beside himself, "What! my
son mixed up in the plots of Pugatchef! Just God! what have I lived to
see! The Tzarina grants him life, but does that make it easier for me to
bear? It is not the execution which is horrible. My ancestor perished on
the scaffold for conscience sake,[71] my father fell with the martyrs
Volynski and Khuchtchoff,[72] but that a '_boyar_' should forswear his
oath--that he should join with robbers, rascals, convicted felons,
revolted slaves! Shame for ever--shame on our race! "
Frightened by his despair, my mother dared not weep before him, and
endeavoured to give him courage by talking of the uncertainty and
injustice of the verdict. But my father was inconsolable.
Marya was more miserable than anyone.
Fully persuaded that I could have
justified myself had I chosen, she suspected the motive which had kept
me silent, and deemed herself the sole cause of my misfortune. She hid
from all eyes her tears and her suffering, but never ceased thinking how
she could save me.
One evening, seated on the sofa, my father was turning over the Court
Calendar; but his thoughts were far away, and the book did not produce
its usual effect on him. He was whistling an old march. My mother was
silently knitting, and her tears were dropping from time to time on her
work. Marya, who was working in the same room, all at once informed my
parents that she was obliged to start for Petersburg, and begged them to
give her the means to do so.
My mother was much affected by this declaration.
"Why," said she, "do you want to go to Petersburg? You, too--do you also
wish to forsake us? "
Marya made answer that her fate depended on the journey, and that she
was going to seek help and countenance from people high in favour, as
the daughter of a man who had fallen victim to his fidelity.
My father bowed his head. Each word which reminded him of the alleged
crime of his son was to him a keen reproach.
"Go," he said at last, with a sigh; "we do not wish to cast any
obstacles between you and happiness. May God grant you an honest man as
a husband, and not a disgraced and convicted traitor. "
He rose and left the room.
Left alone with my mother, Marya confided to her part of her plans.
compliments he announced to him that the suspicions which had arisen of
my participation in the plots of the rebels had been proved to be but
too well founded, adding that condign punishment as a deterrent should
have overtaken me, but that the Tzarina, through consideration for the
loyal service and white hairs of my father, had condescended to pardon
the criminal son, and, remitting the disgrace-fraught execution, had
condemned him to exile for life in the heart of Siberia.
This unexpected blow nearly killed my father. He lost his habitual
firmness, and his sorrow, usually dumb, found vent in bitter lament.
"What! " he never ceased repeating, well-nigh beside himself, "What! my
son mixed up in the plots of Pugatchef! Just God! what have I lived to
see! The Tzarina grants him life, but does that make it easier for me to
bear? It is not the execution which is horrible. My ancestor perished on
the scaffold for conscience sake,[71] my father fell with the martyrs
Volynski and Khuchtchoff,[72] but that a '_boyar_' should forswear his
oath--that he should join with robbers, rascals, convicted felons,
revolted slaves! Shame for ever--shame on our race! "
Frightened by his despair, my mother dared not weep before him, and
endeavoured to give him courage by talking of the uncertainty and
injustice of the verdict. But my father was inconsolable.
Marya was more miserable than anyone.
Fully persuaded that I could have
justified myself had I chosen, she suspected the motive which had kept
me silent, and deemed herself the sole cause of my misfortune. She hid
from all eyes her tears and her suffering, but never ceased thinking how
she could save me.
One evening, seated on the sofa, my father was turning over the Court
Calendar; but his thoughts were far away, and the book did not produce
its usual effect on him. He was whistling an old march. My mother was
silently knitting, and her tears were dropping from time to time on her
work. Marya, who was working in the same room, all at once informed my
parents that she was obliged to start for Petersburg, and begged them to
give her the means to do so.
My mother was much affected by this declaration.
"Why," said she, "do you want to go to Petersburg? You, too--do you also
wish to forsake us? "
Marya made answer that her fate depended on the journey, and that she
was going to seek help and countenance from people high in favour, as
the daughter of a man who had fallen victim to his fidelity.
My father bowed his head. Each word which reminded him of the alleged
crime of his son was to him a keen reproach.
"Go," he said at last, with a sigh; "we do not wish to cast any
obstacles between you and happiness. May God grant you an honest man as
a husband, and not a disgraced and convicted traitor. "
He rose and left the room.
Left alone with my mother, Marya confided to her part of her plans.
