No More Learning

But upon Padus' brink shall die Volusius his annals
And to the mackerel oft loose-fitting jacket afford.
Dear to my heart are aye the lightest works of my comrade,
Leave I the mob to enjoy tumidest Antimachus. 10

My Cinna's "Zmyrna" at length, after nine harvests from its inception, is
published when nine winters have gone by, whilst in the meantime Hortensius
thousands upon thousands in one * * * * "Zmyrna" shall wander abroad e'en
to the curving surf of Satrachus, hoary ages shall turn the leaves of
"Zmyrna" in distant days. But Volusius' Annals shall perish at Padua
itself, and shall often furnish loose wrappings for mackerel. The short
writings of my comrade are gladsome to my heart; let the populace rejoice
in bombastic Antimachus.

LXXXXVI.

Si quicquam mutis gratum acceptumve sepulcris
Accidere a nostro, Calve, dolore potest,
Quo desiderio veteres renovamus amores
Atque olim missas flemus amicitias,
Certe non tanto mors inmatura dolorist 5
Quintiliae, quantum gaudet amore tuo.

LXXXXVI.

TO CALVUS ANENT DEAD QUINTILIA.

If to the dumb deaf tomb can aught or grateful or pleasing
(Calvus! ) ever accrue rising from out of our dule,
Wherewith yearning desire renews our loves in the bygone,
And for long friendships lost many a tear must be shed;
Certes, never so much for doom of premature death-day 5
Must thy Quintilia mourn as she is joyed by thy love.

If aught grateful or acceptable can penetrate the silent graves from our
dolour, Calvus, when with sweet regret we renew old loves and beweep the
lost friendships of yore, of a surety not so much doth Quintilia mourn her
untimely death as she doth rejoice o'er thy constant love.

LXXXXVII.

Non (ita me di ament) quicquam referre putavi,
Vtrumne os an culum olfacerem Aemilio.
Nilo mundius hoc, niloque immundior ille,
Verum etiam culus mundior et melior:
Nam sine dentibus est: dentes os sesquipedales, 5
Gingivas vero ploxeni habet veteris,
Praeterea rictum qualem diffissus in aestu
Meientis mulae cunnus habere solet.
Hic futuit multas et se facit esse venustum,
Et non pistrino traditur atque asino? 10
Quem siqua attingit, non illam posse putemus
Aegroti culum lingere carnificis?

LXXXXVII.

ON AEMILIUS THE FOUL.

Never (so love me the Gods! ) deemed I 'twas preference matter
Or AEmilius' mouth choose I to smell or his ----
Nothing is this more clean, uncleaner nothing that other,
Yet I ajudge ---- cleaner and nicer to be;
For while this one lacks teeth, that one has cubit-long tushes, 5
Set in their battered gums favouring a muddy old box,
Not to say aught of gape like wide-cleft gap of a she-mule
Whenas in summer-heat wont peradventure to stale.
Yet has he many a motte and holds himself to be handsome--
Why wi' the baker's ass is he not bound to the mill? 10
Him if a damsel kiss we fain must think she be ready
With her fair lips ----

Nay (may the Gods thus love me) have I thought there to be aught of choice
whether I might smell thy mouth or thy buttocks, O Aemilius. Nothing could
the one be cleaner, nothing the other more filthy; nay in truth thy
backside is the cleaner and better,--for it is toothless. Thy mouth hath
teeth full half a yard in length, gums of a verity like to an old
waggon-box, behind which its gape is such as hath the vulva of a she-mule
cleft apart by the summer's heat, always a-staling. This object swives
girls enow, and fancies himself a handsome fellow, and is not condemned to
the mill as an ass? Whatso girl would touch thee, we think her capable of
licking the breech of a leprous hangman.

LXXXXVIII.

In te, si in quemquam, dici pote, putide Victi,
Id quod verbosis dicitur et fatuis.
Ista cum lingua, si usus veniat tibi, possis
Culos et crepidas lingere carpatinas.
Si nos omnino vis omnes perdere, Victi, 5
Hiscas: omnino quod cupis efficies.