No More Learning

WAITER: The landlord asks what you want.

KHELSTAKOV: Please bring my dinner at once. I must be busy directly
I have dined.

The waiter replies that the landlord refuses to supply anything more,
and seems likely to complain to the governor. But presently dinner is
brought in. To Khlestakov's great consternation Osip announces that
the governor has come and is asking for him.

KHELSTAKOV: What? The landlord has reported me! I'll put on an
aristocratic air, and ask him how he dares----

Governor, entering in trepidation and saluting humbly, astonishes him
by profuse offers of hospitality and entertainment, though when at
first mention is made of taking him to other quarters, the guest in
horror ejaculates that he supposes the gaol is meant, and he asks what
right the governor has to hint at such a thing.

KHELSTAKOV (_indignantly_): How dare you? I--I--I am a government
official at St. Petersburg. I--I--I----

GOVERNOR (_aside_): Good heavens, what a rage he is in! He knows
everything. Those confounded merchants have told him all.
Banging the table, Khlestakov declares he will _not_ go to the
gaol, but will complain to the Minister of the Interior; and the
governor, trembling and terrified, pleads that he has a wife and
little children, and begs that he may not be ruined. The ridiculous
misunderstanding on both sides grows more confused every minute. The
governor pours forth the most abject apologies; declares that if the
people accuse him of oppression and extortion, and even of flogging
women, they are a slandering mob.

KHELSTAKOV: What have I to do with your enemies or the women you have
flogged? Don't attempt to flog me. Now, look here, I will pay this
landlord's account, but just now I have not the money. That is why I am
staying here.

GOVERNOR (_aside_): Sly rogue, trying to mystify me! (_Aloud_) If you
really are short of money, I am ready to serve you at once.

The visitor says that he will in that case borrow 200 roubles, and the
money is readily handed over; in fact, the governor quietly slips in
200 extra roubles. The governor, convinced that the inspector-general
is simply determined to keep up his _incognito_, resolves to act
accordingly, and to tell falsehoods appropriate for mutual deception.
He invites the guest to visit Various institutions, and a round is
made.


ACT III

SCENE. --_A room in the_ GOVERNOR'S _house_. GOVERNOR, KHELSTAKOV, _and
other functionaries_.

KHELSTAKOV: Fine establishments!