No More Learning

Still, it is by no means so large or so distant as you imagined it,--for
the fact is that, as it wriggles its way up this thread, which some
spider has wrought along the window-sash, I find it to be about the
sixteenth of an inch in its extreme length, and also about the sixteenth
of an inch distant from the pupil of my eye. "




HOP-FROG

I never knew anyone so keenly alive to a joke as the king was. He seemed
to live only for joking. To tell a good story of the joke kind, and to
tell it well, was the surest road to his favor. Thus it happened that
his seven ministers were all noted for their accomplishments as jokers.
They all took after the king, too, in being large, corpulent, oily men,
as well as inimitable jokers. Whether people grow fat by joking, or
whether there is something in fat itself which predisposes to a joke, I
have never been quite able to determine; but certain it is that a lean
joker is a rara avis in terris.

About the refinements, or, as he called them, the 'ghost' of wit, the
king troubled himself very little. He had an especial admiration for
breadth in a jest, and would often put up with length, for the sake
of it. Over-niceties wearied him. He would have preferred Rabelais'
'Gargantua' to the 'Zadig' of Voltaire: and, upon the whole, practical
jokes suited his taste far better than verbal ones.

At the date of my narrative, professing jesters had not altogether gone
out of fashion at court. Several of the great continental 'powers' still
retain their 'fools,' who wore motley, with caps and bells, and who were
expected to be always ready with sharp witticisms, at a moment's notice,
in consideration of the crumbs that fell from the royal table.

Our king, as a matter of course, retained his 'fool. ' The fact is, he
required something in the way of folly--if only to counterbalance
the heavy wisdom of the seven wise men who were his ministers--not to
mention himself.
His fool, or professional jester, was not only a fool, however. His
value was trebled in the eyes of the king, by the fact of his being also
a dwarf and a cripple. Dwarfs were as common at court, in those days,
as fools; and many monarchs would have found it difficult to get through
their days (days are rather longer at court than elsewhere) without both
a jester to laugh with, and a dwarf to laugh at. But, as I have already
observed, your jesters, in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, are fat,
round, and unwieldy--so that it was no small source of self-gratulation
with our king that, in Hop-Frog (this was the fool's name), he possessed
a triplicate treasure in one person.

I believe the name 'Hop-Frog' was not that given to the dwarf by his
sponsors at baptism, but it was conferred upon him, by general consent
of the several ministers, on account of his inability to walk as
other men do. In fact, Hop-Frog could only get along by a sort of
interjectional gait--something between a leap and a wriggle--a movement
that afforded illimitable amusement, and of course consolation, to
the king, for (notwithstanding the protuberance of his stomach and a
constitutional swelling of the head) the king, by his whole court, was
accounted a capital figure.

But although Hop-Frog, through the distortion of his legs, could
move only with great pain and difficulty along a road or floor, the
prodigious muscular power which nature seemed to have bestowed upon his
arms, by way of compensation for deficiency in the lower limbs, enabled
him to perform many feats of wonderful dexterity, where trees or ropes
were in question, or any thing else to climb. At such exercises he
certainly much more resembled a squirrel, or a small monkey, than a
frog.

I am not able to say, with precision, from what country Hop-Frog
originally came. It was from some barbarous region, however, that
no person ever heard of--a vast distance from the court of our king.
Hop-Frog, and a young girl very little less dwarfish than himself
(although of exquisite proportions, and a marvellous dancer), had been
forcibly carried off from their respective homes in adjoining provinces,
and sent as presents to the king, by one of his ever-victorious
generals.

Under these circumstances, it is not to be wondered at that a close
intimacy arose between the two little captives. Indeed, they soon became
sworn friends. Hop-Frog, who, although he made a great deal of sport,
was by no means popular, had it not in his power to render Trippetta
many services; but she, on account of her grace and exquisite beauty
(although a dwarf), was universally admired and petted; so she possessed
much influence; and never failed to use it, whenever she could, for the
benefit of Hop-Frog.

On some grand state occasion--I forgot what--the king determined to
have a masquerade, and whenever a masquerade or any thing of that kind,
occurred at our court, then the talents, both of Hop-Frog and Trippetta
were sure to be called into play. Hop-Frog, in especial, was so
inventive in the way of getting up pageants, suggesting novel
characters, and arranging costumes, for masked balls, that nothing could
be done, it seems, without his assistance.