No More Learning

JUDGE (_entering very nervously_): I have the honour to present
myself. I have been judge here since 1816, and have been decorated
with the Vladimir of the Fourth Class.

KHELSTAKOV: What have you there in your hand?

JUDGE (_in bewilderment drops banknotes on the floor_): Nothing.

KHELSTAKOV: How nothing? I see some money has been dropped.

JUDGE (_trembling and aside_): O heaven, I am already before the
tribunal, and they have brought the cart to take me into exile.

Khlestakov picks up the notes, and asks that the money may be lent
him, as he has spent all his cash on the journey. He promises to
return it as soon as he reaches home, but the judge protests that the
honour of lending it is enough, and he begs that there shall be no
injunction against him.

Next to present himself is the postmaster, in full uniform, sword in
hand. After a little conversation with this functionary, Khlestakov
thinks he may just as well borrow of him also, and he forthwith
mentions that a singular thing has happened to him, for he has lost
all his money on the way, and would be glad to be obliged with the
loan of three hundred roubles. It is instantly counted out with
alacrity, and the postmaster hastily retires. Also, in a very nervous
state, Luka, the School Director, the Charity Commissioner, Bobchinski
and Dobchinski, come to pay their homage, and Khlestakov borrows
easily from each in turn.

KHELSTAKOV _(alone):_ There are many officials here; it seems to me,
however, that they take me for a government functionary. What fools!
I
must write about it all to Tryapitchkin at Petersburg; he will write
sketches of it in the papers. Here, Osip, bring me paper and ink! I
will just see how much money I have got. Oh, more than a thousand!

While he is writing a letter Osip interrupts him with earnest
assurances that it will be prudent to depart speedily from the town;
for people have been mistaking him for somebody else, and awkward
complications may ensue. It is really time to go. There are splendid
horses here, and these can be secured for the journey. Khlestakov
consents, tells Osip to take the letter to the post, and to obtain
good posthorses. Suddenly some merchants present themselves with
petitions, bringing with them gifts of sugar-loaves and wine. They
pour forth bitter complaints against the governor. They accuse him
of constant and outrageous extortion. They beg Khlestakov to secure
his deposition from office. When they offer the sugar-loaves and the
wine, Khlestakov protests that he cannot accept bribes, but if they
would offer him a loan of three hundred roubles that would be another
matter. They do so and go out.

[_Enter_ MARYA _nervously_.

MARYA: Ach!