No More Learning

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There was an old man on the Border,
Who lived in the utmost disorder;
He danced with the cat, and made tea in his hat,
Which vexed all the folks on the Border.

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There was an old man of Dumbree,
Who taught little owls to drink tea;
For he said, "To eat mice is not proper or nice,"
That amiable man of Dumbree.

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There was an old person of Filey,
Of whom his acquaintance spoke highly;
He danced perfectly well, to the sound of a bell,
And delighted the people of Filey.

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There was an old man whose remorse
Induced him to drink Caper Sauce;
For they said, "If mixed up with some cold claret-cup,
It will certainly soothe your remorse! "

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There was an old man of Ibreem,
Who suddenly threaten'd to scream;
But they said, "If you do, we will thump you quite blue,
You disgusting old man of Ibreem! "

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There was an old person of Wilts,
Who constantly walked upon stilts;
He wreathed them with lilies and daffy-down-dillies,
That elegant person of Wilts.

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There was an old person of Grange,
Whose manners were scroobious and strange;
He sailed to St. Blubb in a waterproof tub,
That aquatic old person of Grange.

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There was an old person of Newry,
Whose manners were tinctured with fury;
He tore all the rugs, and broke all the jugs,
Within twenty miles' distance of Newry.

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There was an old man of Dumblane,
Who greatly resembled a crane;
But they said, "Is it wrong, since your legs are so long,
To request you won't stay in Dumblane? "

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There was an old man of Port Grigor,
Whose actions were noted for vigour;
He stood on his head till his waistcoat turned red,
That eclectic old man of Port Grigor.

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There was an old man of El Hums,
Who lived upon nothing but crumbs,
Which he picked off the ground, with the other birds round,
In the roads and the lanes of El Hums.

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There was an old man of West Dumpet,
Who possessed a large nose like a trumpet;
When he blew it aloud, it astonished the crowd,
And was heard through the whole of West Dumpet.

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There was an old person of Sark,
Who made an unpleasant remark;
But they said, "Don't you see what a brute you must be,
You obnoxious old person of Sark! "

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There was an old man whose despair
Induced him to purchase a hare:
Whereon one fine day he rode wholly away,
Which partly assuaged his despair.
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There was an old person of Barnes,
Whose garments were covered with darns;
But they said, "Without doubt, you will soon wear them out,
You luminous person of Barnes! "

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There was an old person of Nice,
Whose associates were usually Geese.
They walked out together in all sorts of weather,
That affable person of Nice!

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There was a young lady of Greenwich,
Whose garments were border'd with Spinach;
But a large spotty Calf bit her shawl quite in half,
Which alarmed that young lady of Greenwich.

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There was an old person of Cannes,
Who purchased three fowls and a fan;
Those she placed on a stool, and to make them feel cool
She constantly fanned them at Cannes.

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There was an old person of Ickley,
Who could not abide to ride quickly;
He rode to Karnak on a tortoise's back,
That moony old person of Ickley.

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There was an old person of Hyde,
Who walked by the shore with his bride,
Till a Crab who came near fill'd their bosoms with fear,
And they said, "Would we'd never left Hyde! "

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There was an old person in gray,
Whose feelings were tinged with dismay;
She purchased two parrots, and fed them with carrots,
Which pleased that old person in gray.

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There was an old man of Ancona,
Who found a small dog with no owner,
Which he took up and down all the streets of the town,
That anxious old man of Ancona.

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There was an old person of Sestri,
Who sate himself down in the vestry;
When they said, "You are wrong! " he merely said "Bong! "
That repulsive old person of Sestri.

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There was an old person of Blythe,
Who cut up his meat with a scythe;
When they said, "Well! I never! " he cried, "Scythes for ever! "
That lively old person of Blythe.