No More Learning

_Door_.

No, (so may I please Caecilius to whom I am now made over! ) it is not my
fault, although 'tis said so to be, nor may anyone impute any crime to me;
albeit the fabling tongues of folk make it so, who, whene'er aught is found
not well done, all clamour at me: "Door, thine is the blame! "

_Catullus_.

It is not enough for thee to say this by words merely, but so to act that
everyone may feel it and see it.

_Door_.

In what way can I? No one questions or troubles to know.

_Catullus_.

We are wishful: be not doubtful to tell us.

_Door_.

First then, the virgin (so they called her! ) who was handed to us was
spurious. Her husband was not the first to touch her, he whose little
dagger, hanging more limply than the tender beet, never raised itself to
the middle of his tunic: but his father is said to have violated his son's
bed and to have polluted the unhappy house, either because his lewd mind
blazed with blind lust, or because his impotent son was sprung from sterile
seed, and therefore one greater of nerve than he was needed, who could
unloose the virgin's zone.

_Catullus_.
Thou tellest of an excellent parent marvellous in piety, who himself urined
in the womb of his son!

_Door_.

But not this alone is Brixia said to have knowledge of, placed 'neath the
Cycnean peak, through which the golden-hued Mella flows with its gentle
current, Brixia, beloved mother of my Verona. For it talks of the loves of
Postumius and of Cornelius, with whom she committed foul adultery.

_Catullus_.

Folk might say here: "How knowest thou these things, O door? thou who art
never allowed absence from thy lord's threshold, nor mayst hear the folk's
gossip, but fixed to this beam art wont only to open or to shut the house! "

_Door_.

Often have I heard her talking with hushed voice, when alone with her
handmaids, about her iniquities, quoting by name those whom we have spoken
of, for she did not expect me to be gifted with either tongue or ear.
Moreover she added a certain one whose name I'm unwilling to speak, lest he
uplift his red eyebrows. A lanky fellow, against whom some time ago was
brought a grave law-suit anent the spurious child-birth of a lying belly.

LXVIII.

Quod mihi fortuna casuque oppressus acerbo
Conscriptum hoc lacrimis mittis epistolium,
Naufragum ut eiectum spumantibus aequoris undis
Sublevem et a mortis limine restituam,
Quem neque sancta Venus molli requiescere somno 5
Desertum in lecto caelibe perpetitur,
Nec veterum dulci scriptorum carmine Musae
Oblectant, cum mens anxia pervigilat,
Id gratumst mihi, me quoniam tibi dicis amicum,
Muneraque et Musarum hinc petis et Veneris: 10
Sed tibi ne mea sint ignota incommoda, Mani,
Neu me odisse putes hospitis officium,
Accipe, quis merser fortunae fluctibus ipse,
Ne amplius a misero dona beata petas.
Tempore quo primum vestis mihi tradita purast, 15
Iocundum cum aetas florida ver ageret,
Multa satis lusi: non est dea nescia nostri,
Quae dulcem curis miscet amaritiem:
Sed totum hoc studium luctu fraterna mihi mors
Abstulit. o misero frater adempte mihi, 20
Tu mea tu moriens fregisti commoda, frater,
Tecum una totast nostra sepulta domus,
Omnia tecum una perierunt gaudia nostra,
Quae tuos in vita dulcis alebat amor.
Cuius ego interitu tota de mente fugavi 25
Haec studia atque omnis delicias animi.