No More Learning

[Illustration]


CHAPTER XIII.

OF WHAT BECAME OF THE PARENTS OF THE FORTY-NINE CHILDREN.

BUT when the two old Parrots,
and the two old Storks,
and the two old Geese,
and the two old Owls,
and the two old Guinea Pigs,
and the two old Cats,
and the two old Fishes,

became aware, by reading in the newspapers, of the calamitous extinction of
the whole of their families, they refused all further sustenance; and,
sending out to various shops, they purchased great quantities of Cayenne
pepper and brandy and vinegar and blue sealing-wax, besides seven immense
glass bottles with air-tight stoppers. And, having done this, they ate a
light supper of brown-bread and Jerusalem artichokes, and took an
affecting and formal leave of the whole of their acquaintance, which was
very numerous and distinguished and select and responsible and ridiculous.


CHAPTER XIV.

CONCLUSION.

And after this they filled the bottles with the ingredients for pickling,
and each couple jumped into a separate bottle; by which effort, of course,
they all died immediately, and became thoroughly pickled in a few minutes;
having previously made their wills (by the assistance of the most eminent
lawyers of the district), in which they left strict orders that the
stoppers of the seven bottles should be carefully sealed up with the blue
sealing-wax they had purchased; and that they themselves, in the bottles,
should be presented to the principal museum of the city of Tosh, to be
labelled with parchment or any other anti-congenial succedaneum, and to be
placed on a marble table with silver-gilt legs, for the daily inspection
and contemplation, and for the perpetual benefit, of the pusillanimous
public.

And if you ever happen to go to Gramble-Blamble, and visit that museum in
the city of Tosh, look for them on the ninety-eighth table in the four
hundred and twenty-seventh room of the right-hand corridor of the left wing
of the central quadrangle of that magnificent building; for, if you do not,
you certainly will not see them.

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* * * * *




NONSENSE COOKERY.

Extract from "The Nonsense Gazette," for August, 1870.

"Our readers will be interested in the following communications from our
valued and learned contributor, Prof. Bosh, whose labors in the fields of
culinary and botanical science are so well known to all the world. The
first three articles richly merit to be added to the domestic cookery of
every family: those which follow claim the attention of all botanists; and
we are happy to be able, through Dr. Bosh's kindness, to present our
readers with illustrations of his discoveries. All the new flowers are
found in the Valley of Verrikwier, near the Lake of Oddgrow, and on the
summit of the Hill Orfeltugg.
"



THREE RECEIPTS FOR DOMESTIC COOKERY.


TO MAKE AN AMBLONGUS PIE.

Take 4 pounds (say 4-1/2 pounds) of fresh Amblongusses, and put them in a
small pipkin.

Cover them with water, and boil them for 8 hours incessantly; after which
add 2 pints of new milk, and proceed to boil for 4 hours more.

When you have ascertained that the Amblongusses are quite soft, take them
out, and place them in a wide pan, taking care to shake them well
previously.

Grate some nutmeg over the surface, and cover them carefully with powdered
gingerbread, curry-powder, and a sufficient quantity of Cayenne pepper.

Remove the pan into the next room, and place it on the floor. Bring it back
again, and let it simmer for three-quarters of an hour. Shake the pan
violently till all the Amblongusses have become of a pale purple color.

Then, having prepared the paste, insert the whole carefully; adding at the
same time a small pigeon, 2 slices of beef, 4 cauliflowers, and any number
of oysters.

Watch patiently till the crust begins to rise, and add a pinch of salt from
time to time.

Serve up in a clean dish, and throw the whole out of window as fast as
possible.


TO MAKE CRUMBOBBLIOUS CUTLETS.

Procure some strips of beef, and, having cut them into the smallest
possible slices, proceed to cut them still smaller,--eight, or perhaps
nine times.

When the whole is thus minced, brush it up hastily with a new
clothes-brush, and stir round rapidly and capriciously with a salt-spoon
or a soup-ladle.

Place the whole in a saucepan, and remove it to a sunny place,--say the
roof of the house, if free from sparrows or other birds,--and leave it
there for about a week.