No More Learning

Never (so love me the Gods! ) deemed I 'twas preference matter
Or AEmilius' mouth choose I to smell or his ----
Nothing is this more clean, uncleaner nothing that other,
Yet I ajudge ---- cleaner and nicer to be;
For while this one lacks teeth, that one has cubit-long tushes, 5
Set in their battered gums favouring a muddy old box,
Not to say aught of gape like wide-cleft gap of a she-mule
Whenas in summer-heat wont peradventure to stale.
Yet has he many a motte and holds himself to be handsome--
Why wi' the baker's ass is he not bound to the mill? 10
Him if a damsel kiss we fain must think she be ready
With her fair lips ----

Nay (may the Gods thus love me) have I thought there to be aught of choice
whether I might smell thy mouth or thy buttocks, O Aemilius. Nothing could
the one be cleaner, nothing the other more filthy; nay in truth thy
backside is the cleaner and better,--for it is toothless. Thy mouth hath
teeth full half a yard in length, gums of a verity like to an old
waggon-box, behind which its gape is such as hath the vulva of a she-mule
cleft apart by the summer's heat, always a-staling. This object swives
girls enow, and fancies himself a handsome fellow, and is not condemned to
the mill as an ass? Whatso girl would touch thee, we think her capable of
licking the breech of a leprous hangman.

LXXXXVIII.

In te, si in quemquam, dici pote, putide Victi,
Id quod verbosis dicitur et fatuis.
Ista cum lingua, si usus veniat tibi, possis
Culos et crepidas lingere carpatinas.
Si nos omnino vis omnes perdere, Victi, 5
Hiscas: omnino quod cupis efficies.

LXXXXVIII.

TO VICTIUS THE STINKARD.

Rightly of thee may be said, an of any, (thou stinkingest Victius!
)
Whatso wont we to say touching the praters and prigs.
Thou wi' that tongue o' thine own, if granted occasion availest
Brogues of the cowherds to kiss, also their ----
Wouldst thou undo us all with a thorough undoing (O Victius! ) 5
Open thy gape:--thereby all shall be wholly undone.

To thee, if to anyone, may I say, foul-mouthed Victius, that which is said
to wind bags and fatuities. For with that tongue, if need arrive, thou
couldst lick clodhoppers' shoes, clogs, and buttocks. If thou wishest to
destroy us all entirely, Victius, thou need'st but gape: thou wilt
accomplish what thou wishest entirely.

LXXXXVIIII.

Surripui tibi, dum ludis, mellite Iuventi,
Suaviolum dulci dulcius ambrosia.
Verum id non inpune tuli: namque amplius horam
Suffixum in summa me memini esse cruce,
Dum tibi me purgo nec possum fletibus ullis 5
Tantillum vostrae demere saevitiae.
Nam simul id factumst, multis diluta labella
Abstersti guttis omnibus articulis,
Ne quicquam nostro contractum ex ore maneret,
Tamquam conmictae spurca saliva lupae. 10
Praeterea infesto miserum me tradere Amori
Non cessasti omnique excruciare modo,
Vt mi ex ambrosia mutatum iam foret illud
Suaviolum tristi tristius helleboro.
Quam quoniam poenam misero proponis amori, 15
Numquam iam posthac basia surripiam.

LXXXXVIIII.

TO JUVENTIUS.

E'en as thou played'st, from thee snatched I (O honied Juventius! )
Kisslet of savour so sweet sweetest Ambrosia unknows.