Difficilest
longum subito deponere amorem.
Catullus - Carmina
Nulla potest mulier tantum se dicere amatam
Vere, quantum a me Lesbia amata mea's.
Nulla fides ullo fuit umquam foedere tanta,
Quanta in amore tuo ex parte reperta meast.
Nunc est mens diducta tua, mea Lesbia, culpa, LXXV
Atque ita se officio perdidit ipsa suo,
Vt iam nec bene velle queat tibi, si optima fias,
Nec desistere amare, omnia si facias.
LXXXVII.
TO LESBIA.
Never a woman could call herself so fondly beloved
Truly as Lesbia mine has been beloved of myself.
Never were Truth and Faith so firm in any one compact
As on the part of me kept I my love to thyself.
Now is my mind to a pass, my Lesbia, brought by thy treason, LXXV
So in devotion to thee lost is the duty self due,
Nor can I will thee well if best of women thou prove thee,
Nor can I cease to love, do thou what doings thou wilt.
No woman can say with truth that she has been loved as much as thou,
Lesbia, hast been loved by me: no love-troth was ever so greatly observed
as in love of thee on my part has been found.
Now is my mind so led apart, my Lesbia, by thy fault, and has so lost
itself by its very worship, that now it can not wish well to thee, wert
thou to become most perfect, nor cease to love thee, do what thou wilt!
LXXVI.
Siqua recordanti benefacta priora voluptas
Est homini, cum se cogitat esse pium,
Nec sanctam violasse fidem, nec foedere in ullo
Divom ad fallendos numine abusum homines,
Multa parata manent in longa aetate, Catulle, 5
Ex hoc ingrato gaudia amore tibi.
Nam quaecumque homines bene cuiquam aut dicere possunt
Aut facere, haec a te dictaque factaque sunt;
Omniaque ingratae perierunt credita menti.
Quare iam te cur amplius excrucies? 10
Quin tu animo offirmas atque istinc teque reducis
Et dis invitis desinis esse miser?
Difficilest longum subito deponere amorem.
Difficilest, verum hoc quae lubet efficias.
Vna salus haec est, hoc est tibi pervincendum: 15
Hoc facias, sive id non pote sive pote.
O di, si vestrumst misereri, aut si quibus umquam
Extremam iam ipsa morte tulistis opem,
Me miserum aspicite (et, si vitam puriter egi,
Eripite hanc pestem perniciemque mihi), 20
Ei mihi surrepens imos ut torpor in artus
Expulit ex omni pectore laetitias.
Non iam illud quaero, contra me ut diligat illa,
Aut, quod non potisest, esse pudica velit:
Ipse valere opto et taetrum hunc deponere morbum. 25
O di, reddite mi hoc pro pietate mea.
LXXVI.
IN SELF-GRATULATION.
If to remember deeds whilome well done be a pleasure
Meet for a man who deems all of his dealings be just,
Nor Holy Faith ever broke nor in whatever his compact
Sanction of Gods abused better to swindle mankind,
Much there remains for thee during length of living, Catullus, 5
Out of that Love ingrate further to solace thy soul;
For whatever of good can mortal declare of another
Or can avail he do, such thou hast said and hast done;
While to a thankless mind entrusted all of them perisht.
Why, then, crucify self now with a furthering pain? 10
Why not steady thy thoughts and draw thee back from such purpose,
Ceasing wretched to be maugre the will of the Gods?
Difficult 'tis indeed long Love to depose of a sudden,
Difficult 'tis, yet do e'en as thou deem to be best.
This be thy safe-guard sole; this conquest needs to be conquered; 15
This thou must do, thus act, whether thou cannot or can.
If an ye have (O Gods! ) aught ruth, or if you for any
Bring at the moment of death latest assistance to man,
Look upon me (poor me! ) and, should I be cleanly of living,
Out of my life deign pluck this my so pestilent plague, 20
Which as a lethargy o'er mine inmost vitals a-creeping,
Hath from my bosom expelled all of what joyance it joyed,
Now will I crave no more she love me e'en as I love her,
Nor (impossible chance!